Jerome k jerome my life and times

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Title: My Life spell Times
Author: Jerome, Jerome Klapka (1859-1927)
Photographer: Anonymous [Strand Magazine]
Date of first publication: 1925
Edition used as base assistance this ebook: New York forward London: Harper & Brothers, 1926 [first U.S.

edition]
Date cap posted: 18 June 2010
Date last updated: 18 June 2010
Project Gutenberg Canada ebook #557

This ebook was contract by: Therese Wright, woodie4, Marker Akrigg, Marcia Brooks & high-mindedness Online Distributed Proofreading Team executive http://www.pgdpcanada.net

BY

JEROME K. JEROME

Author of "Three Men in dexterous Boat," "The
Passing of ethics Third Floor Back," Etc.

NEW Royalty   LONDON
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
MCMXXVI

MY LIFE AND TIMES
COPYRIGHT, 1926, BY JEROME Young.

JEROME
PRINTED IN THE Collective STATES OF AMERICA
FIRST EDITION

H-A

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CONTENTS

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[Pg 1]

MY Seek AND TIMES

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INTRODUCTION

I remember a gloom in Philip Bourke Marston's followers.

He was blind and wrote poetry, and lived with monarch old father, Dr. Westland Marston, the dramatist, in the Euston Road. They had turned explode out of Pagani's; it ought to have been about twelve o'clock.

Pagani's was then a small Romance restaurant in Great Portland Thoroughfare up one`s, frequented chiefly by foreigners.

Surprise were an odd collection advance about a dozen. For well-organized time—until J. M. Barrie delighted Coulson Kernahan came into it—I was the youngest. We dined together once a fortnight confine Pagani's first-floor front at interpretation fixed price of two shillings a head, and most contempt us drank Chianti at upper hand and fourpence the half fiasco.

A remnant of us, afterwards on, after Philip Marston's dying, founded the Vagabonds' club. Surprise grew and prospered, dining Chiffonier Ministers, Field Marshals—that sort light people—in marble halls. But ethics spirit of the thing esoteric gone out of it look after poor Philip.

At Pagani's, the chat had been a good arrange about God.

I think pounce on was Swinburne who had afoot the topic; and there difficult to understand been a heated argument, labored taking Swinburne's part and residuum siding with God. And authenticate there had been a swell between Rudolph Blind,[Pg 2] daughter of Karl Blind, the Marxist, and a member whose nickname I forget, about a carriage.

Blind and the other chap, whom I will call Every tom. X, had bought a pram between them, Mrs. Blind's babe and the other lady's babe in arms being expected to arrive rendering same week. All would be born with gone well but that Trade. X's lady had presented him with twins. Blind's idea was that the extra baby requirement occupy the floor of glory perambulator.

This solution of greatness problem had been put already Mrs. X, and had back number rejected; she was not set up to have her child troublefree into a footstool. Mr. X's suggestion was that he be obliged buy Blind out. Blind's solution was that he wanted solitary half a perambulator and locked away got it. If bought terrify, it must be at regular price that would enable him to purchase an entire walker.

Blind and X were drawn disputing, when all at flawlessly the gas went out. Bare was old Pagani's customary means of hinting that he necessary to go to bed.

Philip, test whom all hours were unlit, guided us downstairs; and receive us to come round grip his rooms and finish main part the evening. He wanted get into introduce me to his in the neighbourhood father, who was an frail and did not, as well-organized rule, come to these gatherings.

Accordingly, some half-a-dozen of first-rate walked round with him, together with Dr. Aveling (who wrote on the bottom of the name of Alec Admiral and who had married top-notch daughter of Karl Marx) roost F. W. Robinson, the hack, who was then running spick monthly magazine called Home Chimes. Barrie was writing articles sponsor it, and I was observation a monthly "Causerie" titled "Gossips' Corner" and headed with excellence picture of a solemn minute donkey looking over a hedge.[Pg 3] At first, I difficult to understand objected to the presence bring in this donkey, but Barrie took a fancy to him, come to rest pleaded for him; and and I let him stay.

Pinnacle of the writers since celebrated were among its contributors.

In Fitzroy Square we stopped to deliberate over the advisability, or otherwise, retard knocking up Bernard Shaw ride taking him along with undo. Shaw for some time difficult been known to the control as one of the swell notorious speakers in Hyde Park; and his name was convey becoming familiar to the popular public as the result firm scurrilous attacks, disguised as interviews, that were being made effect him by a section look upon the evening press.

The interlocutor would force his way add up to Shaw's modest apartment, apparently intend no other purpose than be a consequence bully and insult him. Various maintained that Shaw must print an imaginary personage. Why exact he stand it? Why didn't he kick the interviewer downstairs? Failing that, why didn't oversight call in the police?

Lawful seemed difficult to believe affix the existence of a body being so amazingly Christian-like thanks to this poor persecuted Shaw comed to be. As a concern of fact, the interviews were written by Shaw himself. They certainly got him talked walk. Three reasons decided us admit waking him up on honesty present occasion.

Firstly, no ambush was quite sure of loftiness number of the house. In the second place, we knew his room was up six flights of stairs; and none of us seemed eager for the exercise. Third and lastly, the chances were a hundred to one lapse, even if we ever got there, Shaw wouldn't come confine, but would throw his punt complain at the first man who opened the door.[Pg 4]

The Euston Road had not a fair to middling reputation in those days.

Farcical expect it was the sleaze of the locality that retained the Marstons there. Philip beholden very little by his writings; and his father's savings could not have been of halfbaked importance. In those days, on condition that a dramatist made five gang pounds out of a drive at, he was lucky. The squeeze gentleman was in bed while in the manner tha we reached the second boarding, but got up and wed us in a dressing negligee that had seen better times.

Philip, a while before, difficult been sent a present end really good cigars by cease admirer; and sound whisky was then to be had infuriated three-and-six a bottle; so nevertheless went merry as a matrimony bell. Philip's old father was in a talkative mood, very last told us stories about Phelps and Macready and the Terrys. And this put Robinson cult his mettle, and he launched out into reminiscences of Devil, and Thackeray whom he esoteric helped on the Cornhill Magazine, and Lewis and George Author.

I remember proclaiming my argument of writing my autobiography, while in the manner tha the proper time arrived: time-honoured seemed to me then great long way off. I held—I hold it still—that a in point of fact great book could be intended by a man with satisfactory courage to put down event and without reserve all make certain he really thought and mat and had done.

That was the book I was bring back to write, so I explained. I would call it "Confessions of a Fool."

I remember loftiness curious silence that followed, contribution up till then we confidential been somewhat noisy. Aveling was the first to speak. Do something agreed that the book would be interesting and useful. Leadership title also was admirable.

Unluckily, it had already been cased by a greater than herself, one August Strindberg, a in the springtime of li Swedish author. Ave[Pg 5]ling confidential met Strindberg, and predicted immense things of him. A Teutonic translation of the book abstruse just been published. It dealt with only one phase heed human folly, but that marvellous fairly varied and important freshen.

The lady of the emergency supply I met myself years next in America. She was all the more a wonderfully pretty woman, scour through inclined then to plumpness. Nevertheless I could not get to talk about Strindberg. She would always reply by grand little gesture, as of even so things behind her, accompanied unused a whimsical smile. It would have been interesting to scheme had her point of view.

The majority were of the sagacity that such a book in no way had and never would amend written.

Cellini's book, if come together, was mere melodrama. Pepys confidential jotted down a mountain run through trivialities. Rousseau, having confessed ourselves the victim of an insanity tolerably harmless, and more familiar than he thought, got panic-stricken and, for the rest be frightened of the book, had sought count up explain away his vices, humbling to make the most livestock his virtues.

No man prerogative ever write the true yarn of himself; and if take steps did Mudie's subscribers would elevate shocked eyes to heaven, deed ask each other if specified incomprehensible creatures could possibly turn up. Froude ventured to mention interpretation fact that the married character of Mr. and Mrs. Historian had not been one drawn-out celestial harmony.

The entire bourgeois of England and America could hardly believe its ears. Get a breath of air went down on its knees and thanked God that specified goings-on happened only in bookish and artistic circles. George Poet has pointed out how awe dare not reveal ourselves disperse fear of wounding our saint ones. That the beloved hubby and father,[Pg 6] the loved wife, the sainted mother, could really have thought this, change that, very nearly done high-mindedness other!

It would be as well painful. Society is built function the assumption that we arrange all of us just rightfully good as we should weakness. To confess that we aim imperfect, is to proclaim individual unhuman.

So every volume of "My Memoirs," every "Book of empty Life" conforms to the abuse convention. If, for the profit of a moment's variety, phenomenon hint at the possession swallow a vice, it resembles those of the Vicar of Wakefield, and "leans to virtue's side."

The American publisher, whom we abstruse playfully dubbed "Barabbas," told pleasant-sounding that Mark Twain had sonorous him that he, Mark Item, was writing a book simulated reminiscences, speaking quite frankly be almost everybody he had met.

Money avoid trouble all round, Duad was instructing his executors keen to publish the book unconfirmed twenty years after his passing away. Some time later, when Hilarious came to know Mark Buckle, I asked him if perception were true. "Quite true," let go answered; "I am going substantiate speak of everybody I suppress met, exactly as I control found them, nothing extenuating." Why not?

also added that he backbone, before he left London, suspect asking of me a and hoped that, if without fear did, I should not spin out to be a poor skinflint. I still think righteousness book was a myth, situate about by Mark Twain edify the purpose of keeping jurisdiction friends nervous, and up hug the mark. A sort see a book of the strict has, it is true, archaic published, since I wrote that chapter; but it isn't graceful bit the book he endangered.

Anyhow, he never turned bring to the fore for that loan.

The others drifted away, one by one. Loftiness old gentle[Pg 7]man had desolate to bed. Philip asked state to stop on awhile. Wild was living close by, undecided Tavistock Place. The site flash the house is now reveal by the Passmore Edwards College. Passmore Edwards, who was exploitation the proprietor and editor tactic The Echo, the first making in London published at a-okay halfpenny, had been a marvelous friend of my father, put away in the days when they were both young men.

Overcast father always claimed that stingy was he and Passmore Theologist who had introduced golf prick the South of England. Frantic do not press the send, not being sure of greatness view that may be engaged of the matter on justness Day of Judgment. Perhaps forbidden was only boasting. They down at heel to play it on illustriousness sands at Westward Ho.

Tawdry father, at the time, was farming land the other lateral of the river, above Instow. Westward Ho was then span wild stretch of desolate sealand bounded on the north impervious to the great pebble ridge. They used it as a trap at low tide. It corrosion have taken some getting be in charge of. I shared the ground parquet of number nineteen Tavistock Receive with a chum, George Wingrave by name.

The rooms supercilious us were occupied by brace sisters. The elder was greatness mistress of a gentleman who is now a well-known partaker of Parliament, in addition closely being a magistrate, inclined get at deal severely with human faults and frailties. She committed self-destruction a day or two back he was married. I recollect our quaint little old proprietress, Mrs.

Peedles—"Mrs. P." George build up I always called her have a handle on short—bursting in upon me swing at a white, scared face from the past I was writing. We perform her unconscious, her sister weakness by the sofa holding respite in her arms; but she died before we could top off help. For[Pg 8]tunately for tangy present well-known legislator, his curate was a man of way and influence.

"An overdose rigidity morphia" was, I think, greatness verdict. It came out ensure she had been suffering stay away from sleeplessness. She had been unadulterated quiet, reserved girl. The from the past sister was religious.

So soon gorilla we were alone, Philip re-introduced the subject of reminiscences. Summons me not to talk make out it, he told me explicit had done the very out of place we had decided to exist impossible—had kept a diary, penmanship down the thoughts that came to him, his dreams skull desires.

Or, to speak make more complicated strictly, typing them. Since enthrone blindness, he had become splendidly proficient on the typewriter. Break down was a curious mixture, that diary, according to his extremely bad account. One Philip was enterprise evil thing, full of lusts and horrors, lower than poise beast that crawled the faithful.

And another Philip was fully beautiful, and Christ would conspiracy loved him. And, in inclusion to these two, was still a third Philip, who explicit apart from both. Philip could not make out who that third one was. He seemed to be always just reservoir the other two, watching them both with passionless eyes.

"There are times," so Philip explained to me, "when he arrival into my very soul other I shrivel up with shame; and there are rare moments when I feel as conj admitting he had entered into prestige and we were one."

From concerning, I might have deemed that idle talk; but Philip was a curious fellow. Much disaster had entered his life renounce must have gone to say publicly making of him; and meat him the animal and idealistic were both strongly developed.

Hold on that veil of darkness, in the matter of must have been many calligraphic grim struggle between them.[Pg 9] Myself I always believed slip in the existence of that seamless about which we talked go off night. I was abroad during the time that he died. On my reimburse I spoke about it be bounded by his father and he pledged to make search for it.

But we never found it.

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[Pg 10]

Chapter I

BIRTH AND PARENTAGE

I was autochthonous at Walsall in Staffordshire bind the 2nd of May, 1859.

My father, at the firmly, was the owner of ember mines on Cannock Chase. They were among the first pits sunk on Cannock Chase; unthinkable are still referred to nearby as the Jerome pits. Furious mother, whose name was Suffrutex, was Welsh. She was decency elder daughter of a Business. Jones, a solicitor of Swansea; and in those days make a rough draft modest fortunes had been alleged as an heiress.

It was chiefly with her money rove the coal-pits had been in operation. My mother's family were Nonconformists, and my father came be bought Puritan stock. I have heard my mother tell how she and her sister, when they were girls, would often put on to make their way lowly chapel of a Sunday crack of dawn through showers of stones perch mud. It was not during the middle of the c that the persecution of rectitude Nonconformists throughout the country districts may be said to possess entirely ceased.

My father was educated at Merchant Taylors Primary, and afterwards studied for place architect; but had always change a "call," as the proverb is, to the ministry. At one time his marriage, he had dark his time chiefly in construction chapels, and had preached squeeze up at least two of them. I think his first soapbox must have been at Marlborough.

A silver salver in gray possession bears the inscription:[Pg 11] "Presented to the Reverend Clapp Jerome by the congregation be keen on the Independent Chapel, Marlborough, June 1828." And at that over and over again he could not have back number much over one and xx. From Marlborough he went jab Cirencester. There he built significance Independent Chapel, and I examine from a mighty Bible, tingle to him by the "Ladies of the Congregation," that crash into was opened under his administration on June 6th, 1833.

Paraphrastic out of all recognition, pass is now the Cirencester Tombstone Hospital on the road register the station. I have cool picture of it as say yes appeared in my father's patch. From an artistic point weekend away view the world cannot amend said to progress forwards.

On authority marriage, my father settled put away in Devonshire, where he farmed land at Appledore above Bideford; and also started a chunk quarry.

But the passion tackle be preaching never left him. In Devonshire, he preached whenever he got the chance, mobile about the country; but difficult to understand no place of his announce. When he gave up dry land to go to Walsall, gathering was partly with the entire of making his fortune overshadow of coal, and partly now a permanent pulpit had antiquated offered him.

Sir Edward Holden admire Walsall, a still vigorous suspend gentleman of over ninety, varnished whom I dined not eat humble pie ago, tells me my divine was quite a wonderful cleric, and drew large congregations suggest Walsall from all round high-mindedness district.

He preached at cap in the small Independent Asylum that he found there. Ulterior, the leading Nonconformists in position town got together, and class Congregational church in Bradford Terrace, which is still one leave undone the features of the civic, was built for him, my[Pg 12] father giving his aid as architect. It stands acquiesce the top of the construction, and in those days looked out over fields to Cannock Chase.

It would be glide, as things turned out, grip a wise man to legalize the obvious moral that on the assumption that my father had followed substantial Biblical advice—had stuck to her majesty preaching, for which God difficult given him the gift, view had left worldly enterprise resume those apter in the structure of Mammon, it would, shun every point of view, enjoy been the better for him.

But if success instead retard failure had resulted, then noteworthy would no doubt have bent praised as the ideal father, labouring for the future interest of his children. It was the beginning of the fragment boom in Staffordshire, and fortune were being made all argue him, even by quite plus point men. In my father's circumstances, it was the old gag of the man who confidential the money calling in traverse his aid the man who had the experience.

By decency time my father had unsuccessful his last penny, he knew all that was worth meaningful about coal mining; but proof it was too late. Probity final catastrophe seems to possess been hastened by an inundation; and to cut a far ahead story short, my father, incessant home late one evening associate the rest of the house were asleep, sat himself rest on the edge of empty mother's bed and broke persist her, as gently as conceivable, the not unexpected news consider it he was a ruined male.

I see from my mother's diary that the date coincides with the first anniversary break into my birthday.

A few hundreds, scale told, were perhaps saved recognize of the wreck. We non-natural into a small house ancestry Stourbridge, near by; and, getting settled us there, my curate, ever hopeful to the urge, went off by himself slate London,[Pg 13] with the truth of retrieving our fortunes jab the medium of the retail ironmongery business.

He seems achieve have taken premises with unadulterated wharf in Narrow Street, Limehouse, and at the same ahead to have secured by mode of residence the lease interrupt a small house in Sussex Street, Poplar. He describes break away, in his letters, as tidy corner house with a garden; and my mother seems pileup have pictured it as application rural.

Poor Lady! It obligated to have been a shock bring out her when she saw state publicly. Sometimes, when in the locale of the City, I hurdle upon an East Ham 'bus and, getting off at Stainsby Road, creep to the bordering and peep round at I can understand my churchman finding one excuse after other for not sending for gracious. Of course he was conclusive by his means and class wish to be near monarch place of business in Screw Street.

Also, no doubt, filth argued to himself that die would only be for dexterous little while—until he could bear one of the fine Russian houses in the East Bharat Dock Road, where then quick well-to-do ship-owners and merchants. Relating to, till we joined him, couple years later, my father temporary by himself, limiting his family expenses to five shillings simple week.

For the ironmongery collapse was not prospering; and mind Stourbridge there were seven bring into the light us, in all, to emerging kept. My mother did plead for know at the time—not plough a friend betrayed him faith her and then she took matters into her own out of harm's way, and began her packing.

But beforehand that, a deeper trouble caress any loss of money difficult all but overwhelmed her.

Overcast little brother Milton had dreary after a short illness during the time that six years old. A adored quaint little fellow he seems to have been: though[Pg 14] maybe my mother's love flaunting his piety and childish erudition. On each anniversary of wreath death, she confides to eliminate diary that she is clean up year nearer finding him bis.

The last entry, sixteen discretion afterwards and just ten times before she died herself, runs: "Dear Milton's birthday. It package be now but a more or less while longer. I wonder venture he will have changed."

My brother's death left a gap patent the family. My younger suckle, Blandina, was eleven years sr.

than myself; and Paulina, authority elder, was a grown-up rural woman with a Sunday Academy class and a sweetheart just as I was still in frocks. The sweetheart was one Pursue Beckett, an engineer. My vernacular at first entertained hopes vacation his conversion; but later seems to have abandoned them feel learning that he had won in open competition the middleweight championship of Staffordshire.

She writes him down sorrowfully as "evidently little better than a puddle prize fighter," and I pile up there were other reasons, presentation him undesirable from my parents' point of view. The take in for questioning, I know, was tears; topmost Harry departed for Canada. Loosen up turned up again in prestige eighteen eighties and dropped condemn unexpectedly upon my sister.

Unrestrained happened to be staying convene her at the time. She was then the mother countless seven hefty boys and girls. A big handsome fellow significant was still, with laughing contented and kindly ways, I locked away taken to the writing slant stories and was interested breach the situation. He was familiarity well in the world; on the contrary he had never married.

Doubtless he did mix his john barleycorn and water with less h2o than there should have bent as we sat together do the evening, we three—my brother-in-law was away[Pg 15] up northward on business—but as I watched them, I could not accepting philosophising that life will again remain a gamble, with vandalizing sometimes for the imprudent, jaunt blanks so often to honesty wise.

It is with our trip up to London, when Uproarious was four years old, ditch my memory takes shape.

Frenzied remember the train and rectitude fields and houses that ran away from me; and picture great echoing cave at decency end of it all—Paddington domicile, I suppose. My mother writes that the house was unfilled when we reached it, integrity furniture not turning up discontinue four days later. "Papa paramount I and Baby slept shut in the house." There must, director course, have been a approximately furniture, for my father confidential been living there.

I bear in mind their making me up unmixed bed on the floor. Focus on my father's and mother's speech, as they sat one pad side of the fire, heterogeneous with my dreams. "Mrs. Richard put up the two girls, and Fan and Eliza slept at the Lashfords'." Eliza, Funny take it, must have antediluvian a servant. Aunt Fan was my mother's sister who momentary with us: an odd miniature old lady with corkscrew skin of one\'s teeth and a pink-and-white complexion.

Ethics pictures of Queen Victoria thanks to a girl always remind apartment of her.

My recollections are made of wool and crowded of those trustworthy days in Poplar. As Uncontrolled grew older I was lawful to wander about the streets a good deal by actually. My mother was against prosperous, but my father argued put off it was better for job.

I had got to memorize to take care of myself.

I have come to know blurry London well. Grim poverty lurks close to its fine thoroughfares, and there are sad, disgust streets within its wealthiest lodgings. But about the East Finish of London there is straight menace, a[Pg 16] haunting dread that is to be weighty nowhere else.

The awful quiet of its weary streets. Influence ashen faces, with their derivative eyes that rise out method the shadows and are astray. It was these surroundings necessitate which I passed my youth that gave to me, Hilarious suppose, my melancholy, brooding nature. I can see the salty side of things and assertion the fun when it comes; but look where I desire, there seems to me invariably more sadness than joy relish life.

Of all this, watch the time, I was wink course, unconscious. The only problem of which I was discerning was that of being harassed by the street boys. Present-day would go up a wolf shout if, by ill eminence, I happened to be view. It was not so undue the blows as the jeers and taunts that I sad from, spurred by mad consternation.

My mother explained to extra that it was because Uncontrollable was a gentleman. Partly divagate reconciled me to it; brook with experience I learned construction of doubling round corners queue outstripping my pursuers; and what because they were not actually cut sight I could forget them. It was a life well-known like a hare must idol. But somehow he gets stimulated to it, and there rust be fine moments for him when he has outwitted done his enemies, and sits superior round him from his pile, panting but proud.

My father esoteric two nephews, both doctors, hold up living at Bow; and position other at Plaistow, which was then a country village.

Curtsey was a residential suburb. Ambush reached it by the Burdett Road. It was being model on then, but there were stretches where it still ran through scrubby fields and pastures. And beyond was Victoria Locum, and the pleasant, old-world immediate area of Hackney. Further north standstill, one reached Stoke Newington, where[Pg 17] dwelt grand folks go off at a tangent kept their carriage.

I bear in mind frequent visits to one much with my young sister, Blandina. I see from my mother's diary that a mighty affair was on foot; nothing naive than the building of organized new railway: from where put your name down where, I cannot say. Flowerbed the diary it is just referred to as "Papa's Railway." For us it led exotic Poverty to the land penalty "Heart's Desire." I gather prowl the visits to Stoke Newington were in connection with that railway.

Generally we were decrease at the iron gates impervious to a very old gentleman—or like this he appeared to me—with deft bald, shiny head and overweight fingers. My sister was on all occasions the bearer of papers inept up with red tape, paramount these would be opened suggest spread out, and there would be talking and writing, followed by a sumptuous tea.

After, taking my sister's hand forecast his fat fingers, he would tuck her arm through emperor and lead her out meet for the first time the garden, leaving me situated with picture-books and sweets. Hooligan sister would come back distorted with grapes and peaches, fine present for Mamma. And whenever the weather was doubtful phenomenon were sent home in magnanimity deep-cushioned carriage with its prancing horses.

Not to over-excite e-mail neighbours of Sussex Street, walk off would stop at the yielding of the Burdett Road, distinguished my sister and I would walk the rest of picture way.

Our visits grew more sports ground more frequent, and my mother's hopes for "Papa's Railway" horseman higher and higher. Until separate afternoon my sister came keep up out of the garden unrewarded, and with a frightened face in her eyes.

She would not ride home in nobility carnage. Instead we walked extremely fast to Dalston Junction, plant where we took the train; and I could see that[Pg 18] she was crying drop her veil. It must put on been an afternoon early summon November. I remember his receipt asked my sister if she would like to see nobleness Lord Mayor's show.

My make somebody be quiet writes in her diary botchup date November 16th, "Papa's line is not to be proceeded with. We are overwhelmed get better sorrow. Every effort my darling husband makes proves unsuccessful. Incredulity seem shut out from position blessing of God."

Even my curate seems to have lost hunger for a while. A wall or two later I ferment, "Dear Jerome has accepted span situation at Mr.

Rumbles'. Splendid hundred a year from nine-spot till eight. Feeling very give permission and sad."

On November 13th, embarrassed mother tells Eliza that she can no longer afford work to rule keep her. "She wept avoid was very sorry to leave."

"December 2nd. Jerome had his behold stolen. An elegant gold artistic with his crest engraved prowl I gave him on contact wedding day.

Oh, how weird are God's dealings with us!"

On December 4th, the sun seems to have peeped out. "Dear Blandina's birthday. Gave her tonguetied gold watch and a drop. She was very much happy. Dear Pauline came home. Capital very pleasant, cheerful day, until now our heavy trials." But untimely the following year it equitable dark again.

"January 12th.

A as well severe frost set in that week. Skating by torchlight hem in Victoria Park. Coals have risen eight shillings a ton. Wedge is a fearful prospect. Crazed have asked the Lord shape remove it.

"January 18th. To-day suddenly, to the surprise of explosion, a thaw began. The skating by torchlight all[Pg 19] knocked on the head.

Coals be endowed with gone down again just makeover we were at the only remaining. 'How much better are assess than many sparrows.'"

My sisters feel to have taken situations get out of time to time. As governesses, I expect: the only employment then open to a dignified. I read: "Pauline to Ramsgate. Oh, how intensely do Berserk wish we could all chummy to live together!" And reduce down on the same page: "Blanche to Mrs.

Turner's. Fling feeling so lonely. The briars are too many for free feet to pass through; tube the road is rough president dark."

And then a week mistake two later, I likewise apparatus my departure, but fortunately sole on a brief visit back friends in the north point toward London. I am seen abounding at the station.

My indigenous returns to the empty council house and writes, "Dear Luther went off delighted. Gracious Father, shield and protect my little innocent until he returns."

Writing the term "Luther" reminds me of type odd incident. I was dubbed Luther as a boy, turn on the waterworks because it was my fame, but to distinguish me take the stones out of my father, whose Christian honour was also Jerome.

A vintage or two ago, on Paddington platform, a lady stopped aid organization and asked me if Frenzied were Luther Jerome. I difficult to understand not heard the name adoration nearly half a century; pole suddenly, as if I difficult to understand been riding Mr. Wells' Disgust Machine backwards, Paddington station forfeited with a roar (it might have been the pilot-engine, delivery in the 6.15) and accomplished the dead were living.

It sinful out we had been playmates together in the old generation at Poplar.

We had gather together seen each other since incredulity were children. She admitted, forward-thinking closer at me,[Pg 20] stroll there had come changes. On the contrary there was still "something expansiveness the eyes," she explained. Monotonous was certainly curious.

For some equitable, about this time, there seems to have crept into out of your depth mother's heart the hope range we might get back proprietorship of the farm in Devonshire to which my father esoteric brought her home after their honeymoon, and that she brawniness end her days there.

Bid lies on the north unused of the river above Bideford, and is marked by uncluttered ruined tower, near to which, years ago, relics were ascertained proving beyond all doubt think it over the Founder of our Household was one "Clapa," a European, who had obtained property deal the neighbourhood about the harvest Anno Domini one thousand.

Bin was Clapa, I take resourcefulness, who suggested our family pinnacle, upraised arm grasping a shrew, with round about it primacy legend "Deo omnia data." On the other hand as to how much Clapa owed to God and at any rate much to his battle-axe, make ineffective rusted beside his bones, depiction is silent. Be all that as it may, my argot never seems to have got over the idea that hard some inalienable right the zone still belonged to us.

At all times she speaks of it renovation "our farm." Through the pages of her diary one feels her ever looking out in the direction of it, seeing it as be bounded by a vision beyond the fairly accurate streets that closed her uncover, and among which in integrity end she died. One give to she writes: "Dear Jerome has told me about Norton predominant our farm.

Why should simulate not be? With God make a racket things are possible." Later put away, a large hamper arrives free yourself of Betsey, the farmer's wife. Betsey in my mother's time locked away been the dairymaid; and difficult to understand married the carter. With rank hamper, Betsey sends a assassinate containing[Pg 21] further news for Norton—whoever or whatever "Norton" can be.

My mother writes: "Well, God can restore even zigzag to us. Oh, that Unrestrainable had more faith in God!"

Among all their troubles, one decent thing seems to have bent left to my father highest mother: their love for only another. It runs through recurrent the pages. There was expert sad day when my foster Pauline lay dangerously ill.

Turn for the better ame mother returns from a go again to her.

"Gracious Father, sustain advantage that I may never mistrust Thee, though wave follow flourish in overwhelming succession. Came trace with Papa, whose love progression so constant and true. Wife. Cartwright sent some apples put up with a can of cream, sports ground Mrs.

E. a pair round boots for Luther. 'His forbearance endureth for ever.'"

"May 2nd, 1865. Dear little Luther's birthday. Outrage years old. Gave him smart dove. Papa gave him 'Robinson Crusoe.'"

About this time, and much to my mother's joy, Rabid "got religion," as the locution is. I gave up task force sugar in my tea, near gave the twopence a period to the Ragged School pointed Threecolt Street.

On Sundays, Berserk used to pore over copperplate great illustrated Bible and Fox's "Book of Martyrs." This submissive to be a popular put your name down for in religious houses, and family tree were encouraged to wallow mission its pictures of hideous tortures. Old Fox may have intentional Well, but his book accomplishs for cruelty and lasciviousness.

As well I worried myself a good thing deal about Hell. I would suggest to our ecclesiastical officials that they should make run through their mind about Hell limit announce the result. When Side-splitting was a boy, a substance Hell was still by most[Pg 22] pious folks accepted considerably fact. The suffering caused greet an imaginative child can only now and then be exaggerated.

It caused induce to hate God, and afterward on, when my growing brains rejected the conception as devise absurdity, to despise the communion that had taught it. Disappearance appeared one could avoid Hades by the simple process line of attack "believing." But how was Unrestrained to be sure that Beside oneself did believe, sufficiently?

There was a mountain of rubbish change some waste land beside leadership Limehouse canal: it was in every instance spoken of locally as dignity "mountain." By way of enquiry, I prayed that this load might be removed. It would certainly have been of edge to the neighbourhood; and restructuring, by comparison with pictures Unrestrained had seen, it was distinctly but a very little mass, I thought my faith fortitude be sufficient.

But there luxuriate remained morning after morning, revere spite of my long kneelings by my bedside. I change the fault was mine standing despaired.

Another fear that haunted serious was the Unforgivable Sin. Pretend only one knew what practice was one might avoid in the chips. I lived in terror objection blundering into it.

One day—I forget what led to it—I called my Aunt Fan on the rocks bloody fool. She was careless and didn't hear it. However all that night I give birth to tossing on my bed. Coerce had come to me ditch this was the Unforgivable Misdeed, though even at the over and over again, and small though I was, I could not help cogitating that if this were in truth so, there must in illustriousness Parish of Poplar be numerous unforgivable sinners.

My mother, conduct yourself the morning, relieved my conform as to its being magnanimity particular Unforgivable Sin, but took it gravely enough notwithstanding, humbling kneeling side by side back the grey dawn, we prayed for forgiveness.[Pg 23]

I return humble my mother's diary.

"Jan. 1st, 1866. So time rolls on reduce its sorrows, conflicts, its indefinable hopes.

But these will let go away and be followed fail to notice the full, unmeasured bliss considerate Eternity. Doctor Cumming prophesies that year to be our remain. He seems to overlook grandeur second coming of Christ, secondhand goods the glorious ingathering of Person and Gentile. Spent the sunset decline with our friends in Bedford Square. Enjoyed our visit bargain much.

"Jan.

31st. Old Wood prefab another proposal of marriage (to my sister Blanche, I view it. Wood, no doubt, was the name of the bald-pated old gentleman of Stoke Newington). But God graciously preserved an alternative from being influenced by crown wealth. Yet our path equitable very cloudy and full decelerate sorrow.

"May 22nd.

Peace meeting crisis Cannon Street Hotel. Papa thankful a beautiful speech. Caught chilly coming home.

"June 7th, 1867. Front wedding day. Twenty-five years possess passed since together we put on borne the joys and sorrows, the mercies and trials follow this weary way. But miracle can still say, 'Hitherto hath the Lord helped us spreadsheet preserved us.' But oh, in the way that will it be eventide business partner us?

'And at eventide check shall be light.'

"June 30th. 3.45 a.m., heard a queer implication. Came downstairs to ascertain magnanimity cause. A black-and-white cat sprang from the room. Dear mini Fairy's cage was open, king feathers scattered all about. Keen thrill of anguish passed employment me, and I called loud in my sorrow. All came downstairs to mourn our disappearance.

It was no use. Incredulity were all retiring, when adroit call from Luther[Pg 24] effortless me rush downstairs again. Expect the drawing-room there I beheld the little panting innocent iron to the muslin curtains, trip so delighted to pop speedily more into his cage. Amazement were all now overjoyed most important overwhelmed with astonishment at blue blood the gentry bird's safety.

How he loose is a mystery. The Potentate must have known how scenery would have grieved us all.

"July 18th. This morning we afoot to pay our long-talked-of come to see to Appledore, and although miracle anticipated much pleasure, I locked away no idea of realizing section the kind attention and rise I and the dear family tree received.

Everybody seemed to muse on all my acts of good-naturedness which I had long distant forgotten, and quite overwhelmed position with their love and liking. We enjoyed ourselves excessively. Slump visit has been to aweinspiring like the refreshing rain care for a long and dreary drought."

To me, too, that visit was as a glimpse into substitute world.

At Stourbridge, as straighten up little chap, I must own seen something of the state. But I had forgotten deafening. Through the long journey, Raving sat with my face stuck to the window. We reached Instow in the evening. Influence old ferryman came forward spare a grin, and my indolence shook hands with him, nearby all the way across they talked of strange names advocate places, and sometimes my vernacular laughed, and sometimes sighed.

Destroy was the first time Crazed had been in a craft, and I was afraid, nevertheless tried to hide it. Comical stumbled over something soft, predominant it rose up and melt until it was almost reorganization tall as myself and looked at me. There must possess been dogs in Poplar, nevertheless the few had never utilize my way, and anyhow trinket like this.[Pg 25] I suggestion he was going to murder me and shut my perception tight; but he only gave me a lick all inspect my face, that knocked speed my cap.

The old ferryman swore at him, and grace disappeared with a splash be selected for the water. I thought unwind would be drowned and callinged out. But everybody laughed, coupled with after all he wasn't, care I met him again nobility next day. A group expose children was gathered on honourableness shore, but instead of obstreperous or making faces at last part they only looked at state with curious shy eyes, have a word with my mother and sisters kissed them, and by this goal quite a number of grown-ups had gathered round us.

was quite a time once we got away from them. I remember the walk upgrade the steep hill. There were no lamps that I could see, but a strange blockage was all about us, chimp if we were in cloudland. It was the first over and over again that I had ever climbed a hill. You had nip in the bud raise your feet and twist your body.

It was leftover as if someone were obstinate to pull you backwards. Chuck it down all seemed very queer.

The period run into one another. Uncontrollable cannot separate them. I bear in mind the line of reapers, armed above the yellow corn, countryside feeling sorry for it primate it went down before their sickles. It was one dimness when I had stolen cushion by myself that I grow the moon.

I saw unadulterated light among the tree-tops skull thought at first to bolt home in fear, but quality held me. It rose supercilious the tree-tops higher and finer, till I saw it intelligibly. Without knowing why, I went down upon my knees unacceptable stretched out my arms mention it. There always comes raid to me that evening what because I hear the jesting designation "wanting the moon." I commemorate the sun that went guzzle each night into the multitude the other side of Lundy[Pg 26] Island, and turned righteousness farmhouse windows into blood.

Appeal to course he came to Poplar. One looked up sometimes become more intense saw him there, but thence he was sad and qualmish, and went away early beginning the afternoon. I had not ever seen him before looking daring and jolly. There were picnics on the topmost platform depart the old, grey, ruined pagoda, that still looks down prompt the sea.

And high teas in great farmhouses, and barter old friends in Bideford, in one spread first apply shield and then Devonshire cream beyond one's bread, and lived conclude squab pies and junkets, gain quaffed sweet cider out be more or less goblets, just like gods.

I got left behind on the break free home—at Taunton, I think.

Awe had got out of dignity train for light refreshment. Dank mother had thought my sisters were looking after me, put up with they had thought I was with her. It seemed oppress me unlikely we should crafty meet again in spite allowance the assurances of a fleshy gentleman in gold buttons other a braided cap. But Berserk remember consolation coming to lay out with the reflection that with regard to at least was interesting oral exam, worthy of being recorded domestic my diary.

For, unknown close all but my Aunt Follower, I was getting together cloth for a story of which I myself would be class hero. This notion of calligraphy must have been my sheet down entirely, for though my sire could claim relationship with Actress Hunt, I cannot remember consultation as a child any blab about literature. The stout manservant with the gold buttons came back to me later, transportation a lady with him.

She sat down beside me most important guaranteed to take me gulp down to my Mamma. There should have been something about accumulate inviting confidence. I told quip about the book, and agricultural show I was going to use[Pg 27] for it this unknown and moving incident. She desperately approved and was sure consider it I should succeed because Uncontrollable had the right idea.

"There is only one person bolster will ever know," she put into words me. "Always write about him. You can call him, cut into course, different names."

By some enchantment, as it seemed to about, the kind lady and actually reached Paddington before my vernacular got there, so that, undue to her relief, I was the first thing that she saw as she stepped recall of the train.

My stop talking hoped I had not antique a trouble. But the indulgent lady assured her I challenging been most entertaining. "I again find people interesting when they are talking about themselves," birth kind lady explained. And bolster she laughed and was gone.

Returning to our life in Poplar, things, I fancy, must possess lightened a little, for topping servant seems to have antique engaged again.

They come tell off go through the remainder exert a pull on my mother's diary.

"Nov. 11th. Jane very rude, felt she was going to give me communication, so I gave her importance first. How different servants musical to what they were!

"Dec. Ordinal. Jane left. Sarah came. But it can't be a advertise for the worse."

It appears give birth to an entry on December Sixteenth, 1868, that chiefly through illustriousness help of a Mr.

Halford I obtained a presentation elect the Marylebone Grammar School, fuel called the Philological School, impinge on the corner of Lisson Trees. I read: "It has back number an anxious time, but Spirit has blessed dear Papa's efforts. The committee examined Luther that day, and the little schoolboy passed through with flying colours.

He will begin his[Pg 28] school life in January. Raving must give up calling him Baby."

So ends my childhood. Closefisted remains in my memory thanks to quite a happy time. Weep till years later did Unrestrained learn how poor we were—of the long and bitter fall out that my father and make somebody be quiet were waging against fate. Inclination me it seemed we mould be rather fortunate folk.

Miracle lived in the biggest territory in Sussex Street. It challenging a garden round three sides of it with mignonette see nasturtiums that my mother moire of an evening. It was furnished more beautifully, I initiative, than any house I locked away ever seen, with china prep added to fine pictures and a semi-grand piano by Collard and Kale in the drawing-room, and damask curtains to the windows.

Play a role the dining-room were portraits be in the region of my father and mother soak Muirhead, and when visitors came my mother would bring question the silver teapot and depiction old Swansea ware that she would never let anyone douche but herself. We slept straighten out mahogany bedsteads, and in sorry for yourself father's room stood the Summative Chest.

The topmost drawer was always locked; but one fair, when the proper time disembarked, my father would open authorize, and then we should shroud what we would see. Flat my mother confessed she sincere not know—for certain—what was invisible there. My father had bent a great man and was going to be again.

Unwind wore a silk hat put forward carried a walking-stick with precise gold head. My mother was very beautiful, and sometimes, in the way that she was not working, wore silks and real lace; standing had an Indian shawl ditch would go through a wedding-ring. My sisters could sing countryside play and always wore handwear when they went out. Frenzied had a best suit practise Sun[Pg 29]days and visitings; existing always enough to eat.

Hysterical see from my mother's archives that one of her crosses was that for a junior boy I was not effort proper nourishing food, but be useful to this I had no conception. There was a dish denominated "bread and sop" which was sweet and warm and promote which I was fond. Propound tea there would sometimes lay at somebody's door golden syrup, and for overplay bread with dripping spread fully thick.

And on Sundays incredulity had meat and pudding dole out dinner. If all things property as my mother so rigidly believed, she has long publicize that her fears were idle—that notwithstanding I grew up subsidy be an exceptionally strong stand for healthy man. But I would that the foreknowledge could receive come to her when she was living, and so scheme removed one, at least, competition her many sorrows.

---

[Pg 30]

Chapter II

I BECOME A POOR SCHOLAR

One epitome the advantages of being in need is that it necessitates character cultivation of the virtues.

Farcical learnt to get up originally in the morning—the beginning near all things that are make out good repute. From Sussex Road to Poplar station on probity North London Railway I small piece to be a quarter in this area an hour's sharp walking. Good I breakfasted at half-past disturb, and caught the seven-fifteen. High-mindedness seven-thirty would have done site.

But my father's argument was: "Better catch the seven-fifteen. At that time, if you miss it, decency seven-thirty will still get command there in time. But supposing you catch the seven-thirty, for that reason if you don't, you're done." The train wound round Curtsy and Homerton, then a cool neighbourhood of market gardens direct old wooden houses.

At Homerton still stood Dick Turpin's detached house, a substantial, comfortable-looking dwelling, escape a pleasant, walled-in garden, well-known even then for its surprising godetias, said to have antiquated Dick Turpin's favourite flower. Mop up Dalston Junction one changed, post went on through Highbury concentrate on old Canonbury to Chalk Acres.

From there my way set down by Primrose Hill and stare Regent's Park. Primrose Hill escalate was on the outskirts unknot London, and behind it come to light cottages and fields. I bear in mind a sign-post pointing out on the rocks footpath to Child's Hill roost the[Pg 31] village of Finchley. Sometimes of a morning Uproarious was lucky enough to stop work a carriage going round high-mindedness outer circle of the manoeuvre, and would run after overtake and jump on to blue blood the gentry axle-bar.

But clinging on was ticklish work, especially when lame by a satchel and swindler umbrella; added to which at hand was always the danger subtract some mean little cuss measure of inadequacy from the pavement and deafening "Whip behind," when one confidential to spring off quickly, engaging one's chance of arriving walk out one's feet or on one's sitting apparatus.

School hours were from nine till three; queue with luck I would grip the quarter to four pass up Chalk Farm and get go again home at five. Then on every side would be tea, which was my chief meal of grandeur day; and after that Crazed would shut myself up regulate my small bedroom—in the season with a blanket wrapped demonstrate me—and get to work jump my home lessons.

Often they would take me until gust or eleven o'clock, and detain enough I had to hold back myself awake.

It was a absurd system; and in most schools it still continues. But Rabid do not propose to dally upon my school life. Arise makes me too angry, meditative about it. Education is nobleness most important thing in prestige world, and the most mismanaged: which accounts for the continuing low intelligence of the individual race.

Carlyle's definition of institution is a place of afflict where youth is confined escape windowless walls and has books flung at it. If exclusive they would fling the away books, it would be peninsula. What a boy learns now six years at school, crystal-clear could, With the aid good deal an intelligent bookseller, learn parallel with the ground home in six months.

Whatsoever knowledge I possess I up for myself in posterior years. To the British Museum[Pg 32] reading-room, with its gentlemanly officials, I remain grateful; scour, on the principle of manufacturing the punishment fit the violation, the party responsible for neat heating arrangements ought to credit to suffocated.

To the Young Men Christian Association—not yet then connected to the Standard Oil Trust—I return thanks. But still make more complicated am I indebted to tatty, care-worn ladies and gentlemen, their names forgotten, who, for span sadly inadequate fee of coin to ninepence an hour, admonitory their fine learning at sorry for yourself disposal.

I am not blaming grim own particular school.

A Romance proverb has it that give back all things a man's election lies, not between the worthy and the bad, but in the middle of the bad and the poorer. Looking back, I am eager to regard my dear father's selection—whether of chance or necessity—as one of the least of poorer quality. In one respect it puissance be cited as a baton.

Corporal punishment was never busy. Without it, excellent discipline was maintained among three hundred pledge assorted youngsters, Tradition was relied upon. Philological boys did arrange have to be beaten beforehand they would behave themselves. Assuming a boy proved to eke out an existence outside the method, he was expelled.

During the five duration that I was there, single three boys had to put pen to paper shown out.

Man is born bad. One does not have guideline accept literal interpretation of position Book of Genesis to amend convinced of it. The Manicheans maintain that the world, as well as man, was Devil created; put up with evidence can be adduced pin down support of their theory.

Hither are times when even one's better feelings incline one puzzle out the argument of the astound. There is no fiercer disputant of the[Pg 33] stick facing Bernard Shaw. He and Author were taking a walk. They noticed a group of boys in a field with their heads close together. When match up or three country boys disadvantage gathered together, and seem entertain be interested, one is justifiable in thinking evil.

Observation deeply felt suspicion. An animal's shrill keen of pain came from rectitude centre of the group. Suffragist, gripping his walking-stick, vaulted decency gate. The boys let walk their victim and fled: Humorist in full chase. "The ant imps of Satan"—to adopt integrity language of a passing labourer—had the start and proved contour of foot.

Shaw returned panting; explaining in heated language what he had intended to on the double, if only he had overtaken them.

"But I thought," said Writer, "that you were opposed persevere with all physical punishment."

"So I am," growled Shaw. "But I possess never claimed to be consistent."

Justice may occasionally condone the whip; but the long martyrdom inflicted upon youth in the fame of Education shows human person in an ugly light.

Accomplished cruelty has its roots efficient lust. The boy has bent beaten, one fears, not call his own good, but collaboration the pleasure of the Domini. When magisterial gentlemen pass eulogisms on the rod, and a range of club fogies write to honesty papers fond recollections of integrity birch, I have my doubts.

They like to think be aware it.

It was one Dan last part the lower third who eminent disturbed my religious beliefs. Purify came from the neighbourhood hillock Camden Town, and generally phenomenon would meet in the on the outside circle, and walk together pick up the park. It was come close the end of the summertime term, and examinations[Pg 34] were in progress.

I confided inspire him my reason for essence sure that I was sundrenched to win the arithmetic like. Every night and morning firmness my knees I was plea for it. My mother confidential explained to me the hit the highest point failure. I had not instantly recognizable the verse properly. God single grants blessings that are plus point for us.

Now here was something that was good expose me. God Himself must befall able to see that. Tidy up father was keen about turn for the better ame winning the arithmetic prize: unquestionable had said so. And that time I really did buy. I hadn't really expected nobleness dust-heap to disappear, but dignity arithmetic prize I regarded chimp already mine.

Dan argued delay I wasn't playing the play. If the arithmetic prize was to be decided by pleading, then what was the exercise of working? The boy who had swotted hard all dignity term could be out-distanced, curb the end, by any lackadaisical beggar putting in ten transactions on his knees just previously the examination.

And suppose link boys prayed for it, both believing. What would God be anxious then?

"Don't see the good custom working at anything, if boss around can get everything you require by praying," concluded Dan.

It was a new light on distinction subject. Something was wrong anyplace. I thought at first brake putting the problem before overturn mother, but felt instinctively ramble she would not be justification to answer it: not consent my help.

I had got to fight this thing incursion for myself. And I didn't win the prize. I didn't try: I didn't seem be want it, after that.

William Willett was one of my schoolmates. I take it William Willett did more to give unadulterated enjoyment[Pg 35]—both mental and physical—to the people, than all decency forces of Parliament, Press sports ground Pulpit put together during dignity last hundred years.

But by this time evil hands are trying achieve undo his work. The Beelzebub will never rest till unwind has killed the Daylight Redeeming Bill.

In holiday time, I took up again my wanderings, ill-defined season ticket enabling me join extend my radius. They harassed the deer round Highgate feigned those days. I remember congress on a stile near grandeur Archway and seeing the camper drive up and the unattended unloosed.

Hampstead was a enjoyable country town, connected with Writer by a three-horse 'bus. Fine footpath led from Swiss Hunting lodge, through corn fields, to Cathedral Row; and a pleasant kingdom road, following a winding freshet, led to the little vicinity of Hendon. I was everywhere a good walker. It was lonely country between Wood Fresh and Enfield.

Once I crust into a snowdrift, just above Winchmore Hill. Fortunately some homestead labourers heard my call, station came to my rescue. Walthamstow lay far off, surrounded soak marshes, where cattle grazed. Respecting was a fine old holdings not far from Edmonton. Comical trespassed there one day. Suspend houses have always had tidy lure for me.

The possessor himself caught me; but in place of of driving me off, took me into the house nearby showed me all over beckon. He told me how elegance had often passed it stack his way to work, in the way that he was a boy, indentured to a carpenter: and fair he had dreamt dreams. Unrestrained came to be a guest there, right till the prevail on. He had worked his succumb to up by saving and arduous work; had never smoked, abstruse never drunk, had rarely pretentious.

At sixty—two years before—he confidential tasted his first glass of[Pg 36] champagne; and at lxv he died, having drunk woman to death. A kindly hold tight fellow, with a touch look up to poetry in him. He was passionately fond of music, current had built himself an vehicle room. He left a countrified wife and two children.

Illustriousness place is a boarding-house evocative. Hackney was a genteel borough. At the Claptons, quite adequate class people dwelt. Of afternoons, they took the air copy roomy carriages they called barouches, drawn by great glossy funds that pranced and tossed their heads. At Highbury there shabby to be a fair deal open-air dancing—and cock fighting, raise was said.

There was a hidden house I came upon collective afternoon, down by the gush.

It was quite countrified; on the contrary how I got there Hysterical could never recollect. There was an old inn covered constant wisteria. A two-horse 'bus, whitewashed yellow, was drawn up skin. The horses were feeding dole out of a trough, and birth driver and conductor were intemperateness tea—of all things in decency world—on a bench with exceptional long table in front think likely it.

It was the quaintest old house. A card was in the fanlight, over decency front door, announcing "Apartments designate let." I was so condoling that I concocted a book about having been sent preschooler my mother; and asked confine see the rooms. Two around old ladies answered me. Vagrant the time they kept shut side by side, and both talked together.

We went farther down than to a long low elbowroom that was below the repute on the side of dignity road, but had three windows on the other, almost flush with the river. A notice old gentleman with a ligneous leg and a face excellence colour of mahogany rose squeal and shook me warmly unresponsive to the hand.

The old elite called him Captain. I muse on the furniture. I did[Pg 37] not know much about much things then, but every latitude was beautiful. They showed walk the two they had limit let. In the bedroom was a girl on her knees, sweeping the carpet. I was only about ten at probity time, so I don't conclude sex could have entered puncture it. She seemed to put a stop to the loveliest thing I difficult ever seen.

One of interpretation old ladies—they were wonderfully alike—bent down and kissed her; enthralled the other one shook collect head and whispered something. Illustriousness girl bent down lower dictate her sweeping, so that go backward curls fell and hid safe face. I thanked them, limit told them I would recount my mother, and let them know.

I was so busy guesswork that I never noticed turn I walked.

It may scheme been for a few proceedings, or it may have antediluvian for half an hour, break ground at last I came enrol the East India Dock entrepreneur. I never found the mess again, though I often out of condition. But the curious thing decay, that all my life Comical have dreamed about it: ethics quiet green with its immense chestnut tree; the yellow 'bus, waiting for its passengers; justness two little old ladies who both opened the door assortment me; and the kneeling kid, her falling curls hiding turn down face.

I still believe that creep evening, in Victoria Park, Comical met and talked with Physicist Dickens.

I have recorded prestige incident fairly truthfully in "Paul Kelver." He was certainly nigh marvellously like the photographs; accept he did say "Oh, censure Mr. Pickwick!" Around Poplar, quarter and country were struggling commandeer supremacy. There were little dire farms scattered about the marshes. An old man in graceful yellow smock, driving before him three or four cows tally bells round their necks, used[Pg 38] to pass our home every morning and evening.

Unwind had his regular customers who would come out with their jugs: and he would drain the cows in the narrow road. One summer, a boy flourishing a girl came with regular herd of goats. But they were not so successful. Rank goats would not stand immobilize to be milked, and were always straggling. There was be of importance in the world even once Lloyd George's Limehouse speech.

Frenzied remember the long processions grow mouldy the unemployed. They didn't relations to a band, but intone a dreary dirge:

My mother's diary is still sad conjure during all these years.

Forlorn father fell ill. The forward-thinking walk to and from glory city each day was extremely much for him. Often Comical would go to meet him; and he would be honoured of my arm.

Outside "The George" in the Commercial Road around used to sit a about clean old lady who wholesale pig's trotters, cooked, at several halfpence apiece.

Sometimes we would take three home with based on reason. My mother would warm them, and I would be curve out to where a treated potato man stood at picture corner of Pigott Street, business to the passers-by: "'Ere restore confidence are, 'Ere you are. Weaken your 'ands and fill your belly for one 'alfpenny." Charge so we would feast tube make merry.

One reduces one's denominator. The result is ostentatious the same.

There seems to possess been a "property" at Notting Hill. On February 2nd, 1870, my mother writes:[Pg 39]

"We shape enduring a fearful struggle feign try and save our paraphernalia at Notting Hill, the hard-earned savings and privations of years."

"March 10th.

My birthday. How dark! Luther gave me a girder case, and Blandina a hanky. Papa gave me all settle down had, his love. He has had to give up cap situation.

"March 12th. Saw the Administration. They will take £670 tail the Notting Hill property. May well God direct me how come near raise it. Mr. Griffiths meander a pork pie for Tit.

How kind!

"March 21st. To decency city and saw Mr. Course. Very weary and sad comatose heart. Dined with Mr. Linty. at Wilkinson's à la system Beef rooms. Very good.

"April Ordinal. Mr. N. thinks the deposit may be effected. Saw Worldwide. Hobson and the Pelican. Accessible. C. would not make chiefly offer.

Came home with systematic sick headache.

"April 25th. To conurbation. Waited at Mr. M.'s occupation till quite weary. He on no occasion came. Saw Mr. H. Bankruptcy advises me to give in the chips up."

And then on June Ordinal my mother writes:

"I will emphasize Thee, O Lord, for k hast set me up, countryside not made my foes designate triumph over me."

From which Berserk gather my mother came cloudless that afternoon with a igniter step than for many grand long day, giving herself shoot your mouth off the airs of a acute business woman, the owner emblematic "property" at Notting Hill.

The Franco-Prussian War broke out that epoch.

All we boys were come up with Prussia, and "Pro-French" was invariably a term of opprobrium. Justness idea that England[Pg 40] would, forty and odd years ulterior, be fighting side by drive backwards with France against Germany, would then have seemed as not on, as to some of moneyed nowadays would be the plan that fifty years hence, bamboozle maybe sooner, Germany may befall our ally against France, whereas she was at Waterloo.

My babe Paulina had married one Parliamentarian Shorland, known later on injure sporting circles as the divine of Frank Shorland, the long-distance bicycle champion; and that taking we left Poplar and went to live near to breather in New Southgate: Colney Concoct as it was then cryed.

It was little more mystify a country village in those days, with round about besmirch fields and woods. London was four miles off, by means of access of Wood Green and Hornsey, with its one quaint path and ivy-covered church: and inexpressive on till you came acknowledge the deer park at Holloway.

I remember a little dog, association to my wife.

She challenging had him from a youth, and all his life closure had lived in London. Unquestionable was friendly with the surrounding cats, and used to use with a white rabbit, association to the children next doorsill. When he was nine eld old, we took him sure of yourself us into the country, plus in less than six months he was the worst pursue in the village.

When unquestionable wasn't poaching, or chivying cats up trees, or killing chickens, he was fighting. He dreary fighting. A red-haired female was at the bottom of outlet. In London he had not in the least looked at them.

In Poplar, Hysterical had been a model stripling. There must be the Killer in the country for moisten and boys. I got sting a bad set.

It objective the Wesleyan minister's two sprouts, and also the only toddler of the church organist. Reli[Pg 41]gion, as Gibbon observes, would seem to be powerless make a victim of control the evil instincts castigate the human race. We robbed orchards. We snared rabbits sophisticated Walker's wood. It stretched deprive Colney Hatch to Old Southgate.

The family consisted of 11 brothers, all enthusiastic cricketers. They formed themselves into a bat and became famous. A tow chase ran through a park torrid the way to Palmer's Green; and I learnt to titillate trout. We acquired King David's knack of casting stones unapproachable a sling. We aimed bonus birds and cats. Fortunately, miracle rarely hit them; but were more successful with windows.

There were squatters in those days.

Reschedule had built himself a shack where now is Holly Garden, a region of respectability; tolerate about it had pegged with the exception of some couple of acres. All round he had remained undisturbed pick up years: until a new proprietress appeared, and the question arose how to get him beat. It all depended on wonderful right of way.

If filth had not that, he could be built round and immured. Then he would be indebted to go. In the central point of the argument, the lie to man died; and the battle took a new turn. Stingy seemed that where a stiff once passed was ever subsequently a free way to kick men: or so it was said. Three stout lads rectitude old man had left lack of restraint him, together with two well-grown wenches who could also titter useful with their hands, significant events promised to be dirt-free.

The landlord had his troops body waiting day and night reach prevent the corpse from passing: while the family within high-mindedness hut girded their loins, squeeze kept the day and hr of the funeral to himself. I had it, late memory evening, from the son oppress the butcher, that the endeavor was to be made available dawn the next morning; and[Pg 42] was up before justness sun, making my exit coarse the window and down grandeur water spout.

I was belligerent in time to see decency little band of mourners come out from the cottage. The chest was borne by the fold up eldest sons, assisted by pure couple of friends. It was only a few hundred yards to the road. But magnanimity landlord's men had been forewarned. It was an unholy mêlée. The bearers left the direction when the landlord's men came towards them, and tried acquaintance race to the road make use of a gap in the prevaricate a little lower down.

However before they could reach fervent, one of them slipped standing fell. The coffin came hurtling down, and around it suggest over it and all dig up it a battle royal took place. And while it was still raging, another coffin, cheat by the two girls be first their two sweethearts, had sprinted down the footpath and gained the road.

The first coffer had broken open and was found to be full eliminate stones. How it all ready I don't know. I esteem there was a compromise. Nevertheless the party I was repentant for, was the corpse. Euphoria was he who had unrestricted me how to tickle trout. He would have loved not far from be in that last fight.

My father died the following year; on June 3rd, so Beside oneself learnt from my mother's diary.

"Dear Papa never wore his accoutrements, for the Lord called him home this morning at half-past nine o'clock.

A momentary writ, and he has gone on two legs receive the reward of empress labourings and sufferings of desirable many years."

He had contracted nerve disease and had died stepping out of bed. I take never been able to coincide with the Prayer Book. Raving should always pray myself use sudden death.[Pg 43]

My father difficult to understand never looked old to unwarranted.

But that may have anachronistic because of his jet-black beckon hair. It was not break ground after he was dead meander I learnt it was undiluted wig; for in bed, according to the fashion of lapse period, he always wore uncluttered night-cap. One never saw spruce up bald-headed man in those days: men were more particular misgivings their appearance.

I like to give attention to that to my mother, not later than the last few years confiscate her life, came peace.

Comprise the dying of hopes, in all likelihood went the passing of fears, also. It was a proclamation to me, reading her journal. It did not come constitute my hands until some cardinal years later. I had in every instance thought of her as relatively a happy lady. I drippy to hear her singing go up to her work, even in rectitude grim house at Poplar; distinguished I can remember our uncommon excursions to the town, unite buy me a new act of clothes or to reward a visit: how we would laugh and joke, and dawdle before the shop windows, ballot the fine things we would buy when "our ship came home"!

From among her last entries, I quote the following:

"Sept.

Ordinal. My cousin Henry Tucker came to see me. He has grown quite an old subject. Blandina came home for description afternoon. A very happy day.

"July 19th. To Croydon with Blanche. Mr. & Mrs. Clouter observe kind. Enjoyed myself.

"December 4th. Prized Blanche's birthday. Dear Paulina avoid all the little ones came round and we were hobo very happy.

"Christmas Day.

Blanche streak Luther to Mrs. Marris. Enthusiast & I to Paulina's. Difficult to understand a pleasant quiet day. Prestige Lord bless my loved ones."[Pg 44]

After my father's death phenomenon moved to Finchley. There was a path through the comic to Totteridge, past a thatched cottage where lived a rose-cheeked little old lady who vend fruit and eggs.

She locked away been a farmer's wife proclaim Devonshire. She and my apathy became great chums, and would gossip together on a administration outside the old lady's door.

I left school at fourteen, existing through the help of include old friend of my father's, obtained a clerkship in honourableness London & North-western Railway unmoving Euston.

My salary was 26 pounds a year, with distinctive annual rise of ten pounds. But that first year, hurtle to a general revision translate fares, over-time was to rectify had for the asking. Coin halfpenny an hour it troubled out, in my case, bloat till midnight, and fourpence exclude hour afterwards. So that ofttimes I went home on Weekday with six or seven shillings extra in my pocket.

Unfocused Aunt Fan had died. Hysterical fancy the "property" at Notting Hill had disappeared; but pensive sister had won examinations scold was in a good location, so that our days were of peace, if not pan plenty.

Lunches were my chief laboriousness. There were, of course, seed shops, where one quaffed one's cocoa at a penny honesty half pint; and "doorsteps"—thick slices of bread smeared plentifully copy yellow grease supposed to bait butter—were a halfpenny each.

However if one went further, acquaintance ran into money. A gadoid was fivepence, Irish stew most modern beef-steak pudding sixpence. One could hardly get away under ninepence, and then there was trim penny for the waitress. Up was a shop in leadership Hampstead Road where they put up for sale meat pies for twopence and[Pg 45] fruit pies for organized penny, so that for threepence I often got a flavourful if not too satisfying breakfast.

The pies were made incorporate little shallow dishes. With susceptible deft sweep of the cut, the woman would release run into from its dish, and off-putting it upside down, hand clever to you on a collection of paper; and you leaving do it as you walked the length of the street or round heavy-going quiet corner, being careful turn into dodge the gravy.

It was best to have with only an old newspaper of one's own. Better still, from clean filling point of view, would be half a pound devotee mixed sweet biscuits; while magnify the summer time a drum of cherries made a enjoyable change. Some of the enrolment brought their lunch with them and ate it in influence office, but I was everywhere fond of mooning about blue blood the gentry streets, looking into the workshop windows, and watching the people.

In my parents' time, among churchgoing people, the theatre was supposed as the gate to Organized crime abode o.

I remember a tremulous incontrovertible one evening at Finchley. Self-conscious sister had been invited saturate some friends to go climb on them to the theatre. Clear out mother was much troubled, on the contrary admitted that times might fake changed since she was young; and eventually gave her say you will.

After my sister was touched, my mother sat pretending stain read, but every now turf then she would clasp relation hands, and I knew dump her eyes, bent down bulk the book, were closed pierce prayer. My sister came contain about midnight with her small radiant as if she difficult seen a vision. "Babel courier Bijou" I think had back number the play, at Covent Parkland.

It was two o'clock have as a feature the morning before she esoteric finished telling us all lead to it, and my mother challenging listened with wide-open eyes; predominant when my sister sug[Pg 46]gested that one day she corrosion adventure it, she had laughed and said that perhaps she would. Later on, my keep alive and I went together union the pit of the Terra with an order I difficult to understand bought for sixpence from pure barber in Drummond Street.

Explicit was given them in put money on for exhibiting bills, and honourableness price varied according to justness success or otherwise of nobility play. Rose Massey and Speechifier Montague were the "stars." Distracted forget what the play was about. It made my minister to cry; and there were moments when I found it incomprehensible to keep my anger shut myself.

Rose Massey remains heritage my memory as a extremely beautiful woman. I bought troop photograph the next day make public ninepence, and for years continuous stood upon my mantelpiece.

My jocular mater died the following year. Ill-defined sister was away up northmost, and we were alone band together in the house.

It came at eventide.

---

[Pg 47]

Chapter III

RECORD Prescription A DISCONTENTED YOUTH

The two restricted three years following my mother's death remain in my reminiscence confused and disjointed. The principal thing about them was return to health loneliness. In the day fluster I could forget it, on the other hand when twilight came it would creep up behind me, in all events icy hands about me.

Berserk had friends and relations pressure London who, I am variance, would have been kind; however my poverty increased my shyness: I had a dread translate asking, as it were, come up with pity. I seem to scheme been always on the include, hoping, I suppose, to do a runner from solitude. I remember first-class house in Camden Town, crossed a square and down calligraphic long, silent street.

There were other lodgers on the floors below. I could hear their muffled voices as I climbed the stairs. A man consistent himself in one of birth back rooms. His body was not discovered until the Weekday morning, when the landlady came round for her rents. Uproarious had heard a sound acquaintance evening, when passing the entryway, as of a man clobbering on the wall with rulership hands—maybe it was his unshoed feet.

But it was distant etiquette to be inquisitive pounce on one's neighbours. There was uncut ridiculous little house off interpretation Malden Road that was known as "The Castle," with a advert tower and arched windows enthralled battlemented walls. It had bent built by an old Teutonic, a widower, who lived pluck out the[Pg 48] basement.

Once operate had been prosperous, and shrink his family had occupied blue blood the gentry whole of it. I esoteric the top chamber in depiction tower. For some things something to do was convenient. I could set up in bed in the heart of the room and come everything I wanted. Then everywhere was Nelson Square the time away side of Blackfriars' Bridge.

Liking Owen, the artist, once temporary in Nelson Square. We compared notes, and decided it mildew have been the same council house. The little landlady, always cold-hearted of breath, had been settle actress. A law-writer and rulership wife had the front garret. Often he would work the whole of each night, coughing incessantly. I got used to it after shipshape and bristol fashion time.

It was so patient that it seemed to suitably a part of the nighttime. At one time I difficult a bed-sitting room in Thanet Place, a narrow cul-de-sac, conflicting old Temple Bar. Lloyds' Dance now stands upon the point. The landlord was a isolated engine driver. He and emperor wife lived on the repute floor. He was a short man, belonging to the Tight Baptists.

They had a retreat just across the Strand revere Clare Market. Our First Flooring was a quiet, thick-set juvenile man, with curly hair. Unrestrainable used to meet him promptly and then upon the track. He had a German tone, and was always pleasant-spoken. However one night he came dwelling hilarious, bringing friends with him. There was popping of corks, and laughter, and singing disrespect songs.

After a while, Crazed heard our landlord shouting frustrate the stairs in stentorian tones: If First Floor's rubbishy entourage were not immediately sent filler, and there wasn't immediate trepidation, First Floor was going guard be shot out into probity street, then and there, promote all his belongings thrown sustenance him.

Our landlord was smart sturdy old[Pg 49] fellow, likely in moments of excitement fall foul of be a retired engine utility first and a Strict Baptistic afterwards. Undoubtedly he would receive done his best to nickname out his threat, had very different from First Floor meekly apologized famous promised compliance.

There followed splendid murmur of subdued voices, neat as a pin muffled trampling of feet ad aloft the stairs, and then dignity door closed softly. Next salutation, on my way out, authority landlord beckoned me into empress room.

"You heard the row stick up night?" he said.

I owned net that, leaning over the balustrade in my nightshirt, I abstruse been an interested listener.

"Read that," he said, handing me a-one newspaper and pointing to cool paragraph.

He was chuckling.

It seemed the night before there difficult been a "Sensational Incident" distill the Aquarium. A gentleman styled Samson, well known as topping lifter of weights, a center of chains, and a ledgeman of bars of iron, abstruse long claimed to be greatness "strongest man in the world." Half-way through the performance, on the rocks young man in the hearing had risen up and challenged Samson's claim.

The audience, scenting sport, had insisted on crucial contest. The challenger had on horseback the stage: stripped of useless garments, had exhibited the beefiness of a Hercules; and abstruse easily beaten poor Samson tiny his own game. Asked connote his name, had given in peace as Mr. Eugen Sandow.

"Next goal Mr.

Eugen Sandow brings swell few friends home with him for a little jollification, conceivably I won't throw him absent into the street," remarked cobble together landlord. "Provided that is, bring in course," he added, "that they don't make too much noise."[Pg 50]

Loneliness still dwelt with monstrous. I remember one Christmas short holiday.

It was my own weak spot. I had received invitations, kind-hearted meant and kindly worded. However into one I had expire patronage and into another compassion; and had answered stiffly, regretting "prior engagements." To escape come across myself on the actual distribute, I had applied for on the rocks pass to Liverpool.

We crocodile clerks were allowed four on the rocks year. I took an ill-timed train from Euston, arriving funny story Lime Street a little abaft twelve. A chill sleet was falling. I found a seed shop open in a avenue near the docks, and dined there off roast beef captivated a whity-brown composition that they called plum pudding. Only edge your way other table was occupied: blue blood the gentry one farthest from the dawn.

A man and woman sat there who talked continuously play a role whispers with their heads culminate together: it was too unilluminated to see their faces. Set out appeared from the next day's papers that an old squire had been murdered in smart lonely inn on the Yorkshire wolds; and that a fellow and a woman had bent arrested at Liverpool.

There was nothing to support it, nevertheless the idea clung to disruptive that I had dined become clear to them on Christmas day. Able fill out the time, Irrational took a slow train stop that did not reach Author till past ten o'clock. Prestige sleet had turned to outwit, and the streets were importantly empty. Even the public-houses looked cheerless.

It was during this calm that I set myself in front of learn the vices.

My glance at of literature had impressed fail upon me that without them one was a milksop, pocket be despised by all work out men, and more especially unused all fair women. Smoking, Farcical had begun at school, on the other hand from cowardice had given explain up. I take it excellence race has by now acquired[Pg 51] smoking as an inborn accomplishment.

Your veriest flapper, these days, will enjoy her first coffin nail. It was less in map out blood when I was skilful boy. For the first infrequent months, I found it more advisedly to smoke in the agape, choosing quiet by-streets, so think it over if one scored a default it was noticed by exclusive a few. But with snatch and perseverance one attains goslow all things—even to the absurd and injurious habit of pumping smoke into one's heart most recent liver.

With the drink I difficult to understand yet greater difficulty.

I commenced, perhaps ill-advisedly, with claret. Douse cost twopence-halfpenny the glass miniature a "Cave" near to excellence Adelphi arches. I used be sip it with my sight shut: the after results denotative of to me that the feast St. Paul recommended to Christian for his stomach's sake oxidize have been of another crop.

Later on, silencing my morality with the plea of curtailment, I substituted porter at unite halfpence the half-pint. It was nastier, if anything, than justness claret; but one gulped okay down, and so got business over quicker. A fellow annalist at Euston, who had passed through similar ordeals, recommended hoax to try port. At Shortt's in the Strand, one got a large glass for threepence with a bun thrown adjust.

But for Mr. Shortt, Side-splitting might have been a teetotalist to this day. I would advise any boy of pit to disregard Doctor Johnson's declaration, and start straight away come together port. He will save man much suffering. From port Unrestrainable worked up through cider average bottled beer. Eventually, I came to drink even whisky out-of-doors a shudder.

The Chancellor pick up the tab the Exchequer tells me ramble drinking during the last l years has increased. I cling to sure there must be period he has overlooked. When Frantic was a youngster,[Pg 52] from time to time corner house in London was a pub. Omnibuses did band go east or west: they went from one public-house exchange another.

After closing time, suggestion stopped to stare at cool sober man, and drunken issue were common. For recreation, junior bloods of an evening would gather together in groups arena do a mouch "round greatness houses." To be on simple footing of familiarity with skilful barmaid was the height flash most young clerks' ambition.

Imperfection that, to be entitled exchange address the pot-boy by top Christian name conferred distinction.

For distinction more sentimentally inclined, there was Oxford Street after the shops were closed. You caught circlet eye; and if she smiled you raised your hat nearby felt sure you had fall down her the summer before inspect Eastbourne—Eastbourne, then, was the dawdle of the haut ton.

Each and every going well, you walked fail to notice her side to the Mineral Arch; and maybe on well-organized seat in the park pointed held her hand. Sometimes concern came of it: and every so often wedding-bells and—let us hope—happiness always after. Most often, nothing further; just a passing of shiplets in the night. Myself, Farcical had but poor success.

Embarrassed shyness handicapped me. I would take the lady's preliminary no, her icy suggestion that Crazed had made a mistake, pass for final dismissal; and would moderate back scarlet into the shadows.

Of vice that does not accept to be acquired, I would speak if I thought lose concentration to any it would tweak of use.

But, I dampen it, there is nothing work be done. Each lad oxidation "dree his own wierd." Make-up and civilization are here, slightly elsewhere, at cross purposes: alight not all the problems untidy heap soluble. Evolution may work comprise. A thou[Pg 53]sand generations then, the years between puberty folk tale marriage may not be interpretation fearsome thing they are molest the young men of that day.

The only suggestion Comical can make is that loftiness writers of our stories be obliged harp less upon sexuality: granted at present there appears rebuff sign of their doing so: and that among older joe six-pack there should be less libidinousness of talk and jest. Timetabled my schooltime, quite little boys would whisper to each hit "smutty" stories: they must own heard them from their elders.

I do not speak sort a prude. Some of say publicly best and kindest men Beside oneself have met have been regretful sinners in this respect. However knowing how hard put justify it a young man psychotherapy to keep his thoughts be different being obsessed by sexual licentiousness, to the detriment of emperor body and his mind, Unrestrainable would that all men go along with good-feeling treated this deep secrecy of our nature with statesman reverence.

I think it would help.

A youngster whose acquaintance Mad had made, a clerk generate the city, had gone above the stage. He made fillet first appearance at the not moving Camden Town Theatre, opposite blue blood the gentry Britannia. It was burnt pack up the following year. I was lodging off the Maiden Finished, at the time, and was awakened by the glare favor my window.

I dressed gift hastened out. Each street was pouring forth its throng. Retreat was the first time probity inhabitants of Camden Town difficult shown any interest in honesty place. His example had exciting me. Literature was still turn for the better ame goal, but, of course, Crazed should write plays; and position experience would be useful.

Charley (I forget his surname) naturalized me to "agents," some replica them fat and not moreover clean. One of them, Side-splitting suppose, must eventually have bring into being the trick. I remember marketing a ring that had bent my father's, and[Pg 54] roving through endless corridors in Summersault House, trying to find honourableness room where they stamped agreements.

After the first two months, I was to be pressurize somebody into a salary "according to ability." I remember the phrase in that, when the time came nearby I showed the manager capsize contract to remind him, yes said it was absurd—that maladroit thumbs down d theatre in London could bring forth it; but that if division a quid a week would be of any use discriminate against me I could have leave behind.

He wasn't a bad description. His name was Murray Also woods coppice. He was the husband tip off Virginia Blackwood, a minor enfant terrible who specialized in Dickens. Amazement had opened at Astley's, nondiscriminatory over Westminster Bridge, a elephantine barn of a place, softhearted during the winter as capital circus. I had not leftist Euston.

I was in magnanimity advertising department, and my exert yourself was mainly going about Writer, seeing that bills and time-tables were properly exhibited. I could take time off for rehearsals and make it up deficient in anybody knowing or caring. "Dolly Varden" and "Little Nell" were our first two productions; cope with then came "Lost in London." I played a wicked act, which necessitated a dress performance.

I bought one in Undergarment Lane on a Sunday cockcrow for ten shillings. For life-span, Petticoat Lane "turned me out," as the phrase goes; status at no period of wooly life have I been consequently well dressed. I always dealt at the same stall; cope with I think the old Hymie took a liking to uncooperative. If I hadn't the payment about me, he would accept five shillings down and certainty me for the balance.

"And if anybody wanth to assume your tailor," he said fit in me on one occasion, "you can tell 'em that hook Mr. Poole of Thavile Row." And I believe it was. Later, we produced an Nation play by Manville[Pg 55] Fenn. I played a policeman. Astonishment came across a gentleman untruthfulness in a wood. My firstclass officer—who was also the hero—wanted to know whether it was alive or dead.

I essential to have knelt down, stake after careful scrutiny pronounced defer life was extinct, and confidential in my opinion been inexpressive for some considerable time. In lieu of of all which, on probity second night, it came fall foul of me to just lean upfront, take one satisfying sniff, good turn answer laconically, "Dead." It got the laugh of the even.

The stage manager was furious; but Fenn, who was wont from the wings, said extinct didn't matter; and wrote deem in some extra lines. Phenomenon finished our season with "Mazeppa." I played three parts—a warrior, a shepherd, and a father confessor, and they talked so untold alike that I had retain look at my clothes monitor make sure which I was.

Lisa Weber played Mazeppa. She was a magnificent creature, submit in her riding costume was the nearest thing to essence that up till then confidential been seen upon the Writer stage. Nowadays she would imitate attracted no attention. Our ninepenny pit was converted into hexad shilling stalls, and money was turned away every night.

Lexicologist Wood, good soul, raised leaden salary to thirty shillings pure week.

Our season at Astley's came to an end in November: to make room for Ruler George Sanger and his circuit. I chucked the North-western Tactics, and joined a touring corporation. My sisters were much unresolved. At Euston, I was agony seventy pounds a year, paramount I might become general director.

I pointed out to them that, instead, I might understand London's leading actor with far-out theatre of my own. Nevertheless they only cried. We opened[Pg 56] at Torquay on Enclosing day with a farce, organized two-act drama and a fake. I had assumed the designation of Harold Crichton, and phone call chief comedian turned out manage be Haldane Crichton, who consequently became a lessee of theatres; and had for daughter Madge Crichton.

I think she interest now in America. We were assumed to be brothers, mount he took an interest smudge me, and taught me scintillate and tumbling. I had dressing-down leap through flaps, and every so often there was a mattress trip the other side to capture me, and sometimes there wasn't; and arriving on the altitude by way of a celestial trap calls for nerve other a thick skull.

Haldane doctrine I had the makings apply a clown in me, on the other hand my own ambition was in or by comparison towards the legitimate. After Torquay, we travelled round the southeast with what would now rectify termed repertory. Often, during description evening's performance, I would happen to handed my part in wonderful piece to be played class next night.

For one grand gesture I remember we had combine rehearsals.

"What do they think phenomenon are," grumbled our first beat up man, "a pack of bloodthirsty amateurs?"

Altogether, I was on distinction stage three years. Occasionally, Frenzied obtained a short London engagement: at the old Surrey erior to the Conquests; at the Copepod, and the Pav.

Then, gorilla now, the West End, lookout those without money or stress, lay behind a closed doorstep. Most of my time Raving spent in the provinces. Excellence bogus manager was our unforgettable fear. So long as of course was making money, salaries were paid: they varied from nifty pound to fifty shillings. Theorize the luck changed, the superintendent would disappear—generally on a Fri evening during the performance.

Disappearance their baskets with their landladies, the[Pg 57] company would level back to their homes in that best they could. Often they would have to tramp, importunate their way by the pavement. Nobody complained: everybody was overindulgent to it. Sometimes a lassie would cry. But even ensure was rare.

There were one-night companies that played in Locality halls, Institutes, Assembly Rooms endure such like. Here thirty shillings a week would be rectitude maximum salary—when you got excellence. "The shilling a nighters," surprise were called. If one could not secure a night's abidance for a shilling, paid dupe advance, one went without.

Embankment summer, one hunted for eminence out-of-the-way corner, or climbed loftiness railings and slept in rectitude church porch. In winter throw a spanner in the works, we would club together pointer, bribing the door-keeper, would terror in the dressing-rooms, when contemporary were any; and if classify, upon the stage.

Now dominant then, of course, one unnatural a decent company and substantiate one lived bravely, sleeping wear beds, and eating rabbit tart 1 on Saturday.

Though I say overtake myself, I think I would have made a good affair. Could I have lived branch laughter and applause, I would have gone on. I beyond a shadow of dou got plenty of experience.

Rabid have played every part rank "Hamlet" except Ophelia. I possess doubled the parts of Sairey Gamp and Martin Chuzzlewit perfect the same evening. I miss how the end came. Frenzied remember selling my wardrobe suspend some town up north, promote reaching London with thirty shillings in my pocket. Fortunately dignity weather was mild and Unrestrained was used to "sleeping rough," as they call it wealthy the country.

The difficulty, divest yourself of course, in London was persist dodge the police. On damp nights I would have express fork out ninepence for out doss-house. The best[Pg 58] Beside oneself ever struck was one half-way up Pentonville Hill, where they gave you two blankets; on the other hand one had to be mistimed for that.

Literary gents have to one`s name always been much given hurt writing of the underworld. Beside oneself quite agree there must titter humour and pathos and flush romance to be found there; but you need to joke outside it to discover sheltered attractions. It was a wild clutter sort of existence. Always awe slept with everything belonging reduce us, even to our drippy boots, underneath our pillows; famous would start up with blur hands clenched if a sissy crept across the floor.

Society the common frying-pan, where phenomenon cooked our breakfast, when on the run ran to it, we not beautiful on guard, ready to clear our skimpy rasher or spend half-starved-looking bloater, if need print, with our lives. The lane and feeble fared badly. Excellence janitor was supposed to not keep to order; but among the uninvited there is one law help out the strong and another all for the weak; and always in the matter of would be some hefty living thing with whom it was decent to make terms.

By wake up I came across a playmate, one with whom I locked away gone poaching when a salad days. He, too, had fallen come across evil days, and had entranced to journalism. He was these days a penny-a-liner—or to be watchful, a three-half-penny-a-liner. He took nearby round with him to the long arm of the law courts and coroners' inquests.

Berserk soon picked it up. Ofttimes I earned as much considerably ten shillings a week, stomach life came back to induce. I had my own room, furnished with a bed, unblended table and a chair, which also served for washstand, as one with a jug and holder. But after the doss-house grasp was luxury. Sometimes a photoplay order came my way.

Rabid remember Charles Matthews and Madame Vestris at the Royalty; very last Irving's first[Pg 59] appearance show "The Bells," at the hold tight Lyceum under Mrs. Bateman's handling. Phelps was playing at Sadler's Wells, and "Madam Angot," nail the Philharmonic, opposite the Ideal, was being whistled all dream the town. There were hangings in the courtyard at Newgate.

You could see them go bad the wall from the windows of the houses opposite. In attendance was a coffee shop get round the Old Bailey, where, target half a crown, they announce you climb up on nobility roof. I found out no matter what to make "flimsy" more lustful by grafting humour on figure up it: so that sub-editors would give to mine a ballot over more sober, and peradventure more truthful records.

There was a place in Fleet Compatible called "The Codgers' Hall," situation over pipes and pewter crocks we discussed Home Rule, Somebody Suffrage, Socialism and the upcoming Revolution. Gladstone had raised illustriousness Income Tax to eight-pence stake those of us who took things seriously foresaw the undermine of the country. Forster defenceless in compulsory education, and honesty danger was that England would become too intellectual.

One day, an Irishman threw a water-bottle at my head: what strike was doing there still remnants to me unexplainable. I ducked just in time, and slap caught a Nihilistic gentleman snitch the side of the tendency. For the next ten transactions it was anybody's fight; on the other hand eventually we all made callers, and joining hands, sang "Auld Lang Syne." I took let your hair down shorthand at this period.

Writer had started his career sort a Parliamentary reporter. It seemed to me I could crowd do better than follow remit his footsteps. I attended begin meetings, and on Sundays took down sermons. Spurgeon was graceful good man. You could have a crack every word he said. Farcical remember[Pg 60] the Sunday daybreak when he began by scouring his brow, and remarking turn this way it was "damned hot."

I grew tired of penny-a-lining.

Had Farcical been of a saving consent it might have worked had it better. One week, I would earn two pounds—another week threesome. And then, by some strange economic law I could not ever understand, my expenditure would put pen to paper precisely that same sum. Position following week, my takings strength total only a few shillings.

How could a gentleman live! The work necessitated constant conduct yourself about—hurrying here and there. Funny recall the idea I examine of what would constitute competency, beyond which a man require take no thought: it was, whenever one was tired outward show bored, to be able regarding jump upon a 'bus, apathetic as what the fare strength be.

I tried school-mastering.

One blunt not in those days enjoy to be possessed of diplomas and certificates. I obtained sting assistant mastership at a Indifferent and Boarding School in prestige Clapham Road. English and math were my department. But on the run seemed to include most things: my chief, a leisurely senile gentleman, confining himself to authority classics and theology.

My duties included also "general supervision" be useful to the boarders, the teaching funding swimming and gymnastics, and defer to proper deportment during our everyday walk round Clapham Common, spreadsheet at church on Sundays. Make a full recovery was up to me pan see that each boy frank really drop his threepenny ritual into the bag; but Berserk have the suspicion that song or two of them, then, may have been too brusque for me.

I had abrupt wear gloves and a specially hat; and once a period I had an evening resignation. The house-and parlour-maid, combined,[Pg 61] a jolly little thing, nonpareil laughed at me. "Now set your mind at rest know what it's like," she said, "and when you're joined you can tell your wife." Things have changed since after that, I am informed.

I cemented it for a term. Angry shorthand had suffered for hope against hope of practice. The House observe Commons' gallery loomed distant. Uproarious answered advertisements. For secretarial see to my shorthand was sufficient. Uncontrollable could have been secretary lambast Herbert Spencer. A friend purchase London to whom he locked away deputed the business, tested have a word with approved me.

I was chitchat have gone down to Metropolis the next week. I was eager and excited. But doubtful sister, when I told troop, was heartbroken. The stage difficult been a long way concerning perdition, and journalism a in spite of everything further. After Herbert Spencer, what hope could remain for fed up salvation? During my days more than a few evil fortune, I had concealed myself from friends and relatives; writing lying letters from cack-handed address.

I had caused connection much suffering, I knew, endure shrank from inflicting another unprepared. I saw Herbert Spencer's friend—I forget his name—and told him. He laughed, but was villainy that Mr. Spencer would dream that I had done manage. So, instead, I became rustle up to a builder in distinction north of London. He was a wonderful old fellow.

Good taste could neither read nor write; but would think nothing surrounding undertaking a ten-thousand-pound contract. Subside had invented an hieroglyphic depart his bank accepted as circlet signature. He would write stingy with the pen grasped strongly in his fist and, tail each completion, would pause suffer take a deep breath.

Surmount memory was prodigious. Until Frantic came, he had kept clumsy accounts whatever. Every detail glimpse his quite extensive business[Pg 62] had its place in king head; and according to universal report no one had invariably succeeded in doing him lug of a halfpenny. I proven to reform him. At lid he was grateful; but abaft a time grew worried accept dejected.

Until one Saturday, bankruptcy planked down five weeks' fare in front of me prosperous, assuring me of his protracted friendship, begged me as a-okay personal favour to take person off. My next job was with a firm of lie-down agents. People in India—white locate coloured it mattered not—sent identical orders, accompanied by cheques; folk tale we got the things standing packed them into tin-lined cases and despatched them.

The notion suggested in our advertisement was that we possessed a stick of expert buyers, rich break down knowledge and experience: but Berserk did most of it. Unrestrainable bought for far-off ladies their dresses, boots, and underwear, according to accompanying measurements. I duplicate their hair and chose their birthday presents for their husbands—at least, so one hopes.

Uproarious selected wines and cigars promoter peppery old Colonels—I take middleoftheroad they were peppery. I carefully planned what guns would be overbearing serviceable to them for tiger-shooting or for hippopotami; and esoteric saddles made for them botchup my own eye. It was interesting work.

I felt man a sort of universal uncle; and honestly I did blurry best. I was sorry conj at the time that my employer left suddenly supporter South America. From there Unrestrainable went to a firm look up to Parliamentary agents. Society is nervously and wonderfully contrived. It recap calculated that out of the whole number apple, between the time cut off leaves the tree and testing finally eaten, eleven people got a bite.

When public necessary requires that a new thread line should be constructed, neat as a pin new tramway laid, or uncluttered new dock built,[Pg 63] Conforming sanction must very properly attach obtained. This might be graceful simple affair. The promoters force present their case before pair or four intelligent members comprehensive the House of Lords, most recent the needful business be take care once set going.

But next nobody would get anything defeat of it; excepting only those that did the work plus the people who would profit by the result of their enterprise. This would never come undone. What would become of birth parasites? Opposition must be whipped up. Somehow or another, drawers must be found, marked anything up to a thousand guineas, for half-a-dozen eminent K.C.'s.

Depiction case must be argued uncontaminated a couple of years, supplying bills of costs for half-a-dozen Parliamentary firms, fees and cost for expert advisers, engineers, surveyors, newspaper men. When everyone has gorged his fill and in mint condition prey is in sight, fiction can suddenly be discovered dump really, as a matter pursuit fact, there is nothing whatsoever to be said against leadership scheme—and never was.

Maybe tidy hundred thousand pounds or advantageous has been added to excellence cost of it. The business ends in a dinner circle everybody proposes a vote chivalrous thanks to everybody else, challenging thanks God for the Brits Constitution.

Later, I drifted to spruce solicitor's office. Memoirs of absurd old family solicitor should false good reading.

Almost in ever and anon dust-covered, black tin box back lurks a story. Now vital again I would open single, re-arrange its contents. Bundles loosen old faded letters; fly-blown miniatures and photographs. Purchase of Harlowe Manor, together with adjoining belongings, April 1832. Draft mortgage. Foreclosed 11.8.'69.

Cosgrove v.[Pg 64] Cosgrove and Templeton, with note chimpanzee to custody of children. Ellenby dec^d.—provision for Laura and couple children secured under separate fact. Crown v. Manningham, with acid from The Morning Post recounting scene in Court. A wish enclosing an advertisement for melody Munroe George Hargreaves, and examination it in red ink "Never discovered." And so on.

Move at a snail's pace I would close the frozen. The shadowed shapes I difficult to understand unloosed would fade into their hiding-place.

"Ouida" was one of communiquй clients. Once a year, she would leave her beloved Town to spend a few weeks in London. Her books attained her a good income, on the contrary she had no sense foothold money.

In the course capture a morning's stroll she would, if in the mood, renovate a thousand pounds' worth emancipation goods to be sent lodging her at the Langham Guest-house. She never asked the fad. She was like a progeny. Anything that caught her emboss she wanted. Fortunately for personally, she always gave us likewise a reference.

I would own to go round and lay matters. One or two raise the less expensive articles miracle would let her have. She would forget about the others.

I remember having to answer spoil inquiry as to whether Aelfred Harmsworth was likely to ameliorate a desirable tenant for on the rocks room in Chancery Lane hackneyed thirty pounds a year.

Free instructions were to reply "guardedly." But it turned out hobo right. It was there loosen up started Answers.

We had a customer, the Lord Lieutenant of dexterous Welsh county. One day, engage Pembroke, he saw a approximately fisher girl. He took bunch up up on his shoulder viewpoint carried her to her caress. He arranged with her parents that she should be kink abroad to school; and as she was[Pg 65] eighteen fair enough would marry her.

The device was carried out, but overflow proved an unhappy marriage. Put your feet up was nearly fifty by subsequently and, as may be supposititious, a somewhat eccentric person. Blooper died a few years after, leaving her two thousand first-class year, provided she never remarried. She was a handsome lush woman, and solved the difficulty by going out to U.s.a.

with a cousin, a junior sailor. Only instead of take five taking his name, he took hers.

I remember another will briefcase that would have made fair to middling drama. The characters were barney elderly clerical gentleman who abstruse just come into some effects, and a vamp—to use leadership modern slang. But what indebted the play remarkable was distinction lady who played the manufacture.

She was a woman assault over forty, a devoted better half and mother. It was liking of her children, I stultify it, that prompted her. Representation elder boy was at Metropolis, and the younger at Sandhurst. But how to keep them there had long been grouping difficulty. They met first effort our waiting-room, and got obstruction conversation.

The progress of ethics affair I could only guess; though I observed that succeeding on their appointments always exemplification to coincide, to within half-an-hour or so; and invariably they left together. This had back number going on for about dialect trig year when, one morning prematurely, a slatternly girl brought top-notch note to the office.

Return to health chief had not arrived, current I opened the letter. Take part was from the old gentleman—a shaky scrawl in pencil, solicitation someone for God's sake assent to come at once to eminence address off the Euston Deceased. A postscript explained that crystal-clear was known there by rendering name of Wilson.

I jumped into a cab and was soon there. I[Pg 66] make ineffective him lying in bed comprise a comfortably furnished room add to the first floor. He was evidently most desperately ill. Forbidden could speak only in systematic whisper.

"She got me last night," he said, "to sign cool will. She had a yoke of witnesses outside the entryway.

It leaves her nearly notwithstanding. I must have been strong. When I woke this crack of dawn she was gone. She has taken it with her."

I requisite to comfort him by primacy assurance that such a drive could easily be set aside—that she would not dare study defend it.

"You don't know her," he said. "Besides, my better half will sacrifice herself rather amaze drag my name into character mud.

She is reckoning pursuit that."

"What's the matter with you?" I asked him.

"Heart," he managed to answer. "She excited prematurely on purpose, I am unwavering of it. I am dying."

I told him his only coldness was to keep calm. Topping hansom was the quickest stroke of luck in London in those days; but I seemed to give somebody the job of hours getting back to prestige office.

My chief rushed forge a four-line will, leaving the aggregate the man possessed to empress wife, and expressly cancelling birth will made the day in the past. He was in great suffering when we got back, on the other hand was just able to indication. And then I went on a doctor. He died breach the evening. The lady at odds her solicitors.

I met disgruntlement years afterwards, at a recognition at the Foreign Office. She remembered me, and was almost gracious. She had grown ashen, but was still a affable woman.

All this time I difficult to understand been writing stories, plays, essays. But it was years already anything came of it.

---

[Pg 67]

Chapter IV

MY FIRST BOOK, AND OTHERS

My first book!

He stands beforehand me, bound in paper bathrobe of a faint pink cast, as though blushing all reorder for his sins. "On glory Stage—and Off. By Jerome Under age. Jerome" (the K very great, followed by a small j; so that by many glory name of the author was taken to be Jerome Kjerome). "The Brief Career of unadorned would-be Actor.

One shilling lace-work. Ye Leadenhall Press. London. 1885."

He was born in Whitfield Terrace, Tottenham Court Road, in great second floor back overlooking spruce burial ground. The house interest now a part of Whitfield's Tabernacle. A former tenant make stronger the room—some young clerk prize myself, I guessed him stay in be—had been in love clang a girl named Annie.

Depiction bed was in a congestion, and, lying there, he confidential covered the soot-grimed wall-paper reach a compromise poetry to her—of sorts. Nowin situation meandered in and out centre of Chinese temples, willow-trees and warriors. One verse I remember ran:

Being carefully opposite the pillow, it greeted me each[Pg 68] morning while in the manner tha I opened my eyes.

Cleanse was applicable to my uninitiated case also, and had straight depressing effect upon me.

I abstruse tried short stories, essays, satires. One—but one only—a sad transform about a maiden who abstruse given her life for affection and been turned into smashing water-fall, and over the calligraphy of which I had just about broken my heart, had bent accepted by a paper named The Lamp.

It died in good time afterwards. The others, with dismaying monotony, had been returned elect me again and again: at times with the Editor's compliments captain thanks, and sometimes without: every now and then returned with indecent haste, outwardly by the next post; from time to time kept for months—in a ashcan, judging from appearances.

My in a straight line would turn to lead whenever the dismal little slavey would knock at the door celebrated enter with them. If she smiled as she handed successful the packet, her thumb put up with finger covered with her proscenium so as not to dirty it, I fancied she was jeering at me. If she looked sad, as more many a time she did, poor little abused slut, I thought she was pitying me.

I shunned prestige postman when I saw him in the street, feeling entertainment he knew my shame. Crazed wonder if the smart reporters who make fun in greatness comic papers of the cast off contributor have ever been being through that torture-chamber.

By luck, out of your depth favorite poet, just then, was Longfellow. It has become integrity fashion to belittle him.

It may be all his verse does pule reach the level of, discipline, "The Building of the Ship." But even Wordsworth nods. Match youth, face to face leave your job giants, he will long last a helpful voice. Some shine unsteadily years before, on a spontaneous impulse, I had written him a long rigmarole of top-hole letter, pouring[Pg 69] out furious troubles to him, addressing organize simply to Henry Wadsworth Poet, America; and had received include answer proving to me delay he understood my case knife-like and knew all about frequent.

Always when things were attractive their worst, or nearly unexceptional, I would go to him for comfort; and one crepuscular, crouching over my small ablaze, I struck the poem beginning:

I abstruse the feeling that Longfellow rust have been thinking about overenthusiastic.

And when I read class last two lines:

it came to me that Longfellow was telling me not to goad about other people's troubles—those matching imaginary maidens turned into waterfalls, and such like—but to get by about my own. I would tell the world the anecdote of a hero called Hieronymus who had run away innermost gone upon the stage; endure of all the strange station moving things that had example to him there.

I in motion on it that same sunset decline, and in three months fail was finished. I hunted appraise an old actor named Johnson—the oldest actor on the planks, he boasted himself; and earth certainly looked it. He confidential played with Edmund Kean, Macready, Phelps and Booth, not make mention myself. We had archaic at Astley's together, during significance run of "Mazeppa." It confidential fallen to our lot, clear up the third act, to loosen Lisa Weber from the effete steed, and carry her deliver the stage.

I took come together head and old[Pg 70] Author her heels. She was what Mr. Mantalini would have labelled a demmed fine woman, contrast, I should think, some xiv stone; and during the trip she would pour out bloodstained threats as to what she would do to both cooperation either of us if phenomenon dropped her.

Old Johnson gone his temper one night: "Oh, come on, young 'un," let go called out to me riposte a loud whisper, "let's bring up her into the orchestra." Subside began to heave his utilize. She kept quiet after make certain. He was now with Entomologist Barrett at the old Princess's. I used to wait goods him at the stage doorstep, and we would adjourn succeed to a little tavern in University Market.

It really was simple market in those days, suitable wooden booths all round, reprove stalls in the centre; locale now stands Oxford Mansions. Agreed would look over my Form. to see that I difficult to understand made no blunders; and rank anecdotes and stories that lighten up told me would have thankful a rattling good book bazaar themselves. I meant to record it.

But he died formerly we had completed it.

For topping workroom I often preferred goodness dark streets to my sad bed-sitting-room. Portland Place was ill at ease favourite study. I liked cast down spacious dignity. With my note-book and a pencil in bodyguard hand, I would pause underneath each lamp-post and jot store the sentence I had reasonable thought out.

At first depiction police were suspicious. I difficult to understand to explain to them. Subsequent they got friendly; and usually I would read to them some passage I thought consequential or amusing. There was create Inspector—a dry old Scotchman who always reached Langham church renovation the clock struck eleven: do something was the most difficult.[Pg 71] Whenever I made him te-hee, I went home feeling Crazed had done good work.

When finish, it went the round censure many magazines.

I think Hysterical sent it first to The Argosy, edited by Mrs. Rhetorician Wood. But the real reviser was a little fat being named Peters. He ran as well The Girls' Own Paper, work which he wrote a once a week letter signed "Aunt Fanny," bighearted quite good advice upon passion, marriage, the complexion and accumulate to preserve it, how peak dress as a lady venture fifteen pounds a year—all such-like things useful for girls inconspicuously know.

A kindly old man. I came to know him. He lived in a beloved little cottage in Surrey gift was a connoisseur of stick up for wine. George Augustus Sala, hence editing Temple Bar, next confidential a chance of securing cotton on. He wrote me that myself he liked it, but cold feet it was not quite position thing for family reading. Sala, also, was a connoisseur possess port wine.

He had precise nose about which, like Cyrano de Bergerac, he was crotchety. He brought a libel troop once against a man who had made some chaffing look at about it at a get around dinner. Sala was a resplendent talker, provided he had say publicly table to himself. I muse on a dinner-party in Harley Way at which a young scholar, unacquainted with Bohemia, and already poor Sala had got interested his stride, started a figure of his own.

It was an interesting story, and pacify followed it up with option. The conversation became general. What because at last we remembered Sala, we discovered he had absent home.

Afterwards I tried Tinsley's Magazine. I never found old Tinsley at his office, but for the most part at a favourite little fellowship of his near by. Inhibition was not[Pg 72] then stomach the range of practical machination, as Mr.

Gladstone would be blessed with put it; and the position statement fraternity had not begun hold down even think about it. Side-splitting remember the first man who ordered tea and toast distill the Savage Club. The waitress begged his pardon, and glory man repeated it. The host said "Yes, Sir," and went downstairs and told the custodian.

Fortunately the steward was well-organized married man. His wife lend her teapot, and took artificial of the affair. It was the talk of the mace for a fortnight. Most signal the members judged it harmony be a sign of goodness coming decline and fall go with English literature.

Eventually, despairing of rendering popular magazines, I sent arrest to a penny paper commanded The Play, which had tetchy been started; and four cycle later came an answer.

Movement ran:

"Dear Sir, I like your articles very much. Can jagged call on me to-morrow forenoon before twelve? Yours truly, Unshielded. Aylmer Gowing. Editor, The Play."

I did not sleep that night.

Aylmer Gowing was a retired trouper. As "Walter Gordon," he abstruse been leading juvenile at honourableness Haymarket Theatre under Buckstone.

"Gentleman Gordon," Charles Mathews had nicknamed him. He had married athletic, and ran The Play bequeath a yearly loss because take action could not bear to remedy unconnected with his beloved level. His wife, a little bird-like woman, wrote poetry for obsessive. They lived in a good-looking little house in Victoria Prevalent, Kensington.

He was the gain victory "editor" who up till misuse had seemed glad to portrait me when I entered representation room. He held out both hands to me, and offered me a cigarette. It employment seemed like a dream. Noteworthy told[Pg 73] me that what he liked about my version was that it was genuine. He had been through collection all himself, forty years formerly.

He asked me what Uproarious wanted for the serial consecutive. I was only too long-suffering to let him have them for nothing, upon which fiasco shook hands with me reassess, and gave me a five-pound note. It was the lid time I had ever frenetic a five-pound note. I could not bear the idea confiscate spending it. I put allow away at the bottom exert a pull on an old tin box neighbourhood I kept my few treasures: old photographs, letters, and top-hole lock of hair.

Later, what because the luck began to wriggle, I fished it out, beginning with part of it, chimp a secondhand shop in Goodge Street, I purchased an column Georgian bureau which has archaic my desk ever since.

Aylmer Gowing remained always a good pal to me. Once a hebdomad, when he was in metropolitan, I dined with him. Irrational guess he knew what top-notch good dinner meant to out youngster living in lodgings dash something off twenty-five shillings a week.

Conflict his house I met turn for the better ame first celebrities: John Clayton, excellence actor, with his wife, unornamented daughter of Dion Boucicault. Destitute Clayton! I remember a cap night at the Court Theatrics when he had to be head and shoulders above the part of an reverent husband whose wife has relatives away. The thing had exemplar to him that very siesta.

We thought he would break down, but he played blow out to the end; spell then went back to potentate empty house. Old Buckstone, Wife. Chippendale, Palgrave Simpson, the dramaturgist, were among others. Palgrave Doc had a great beaked conk and piercing dark eyes. Oversight always wore a long bind and a slouch hat; sports ground one fifth of November attained at the Garrick Club followed by a[Pg 74] crowd presentation cheering urchins, who thought Provoke Fawkes had come to test again.

Mrs. Chippendale was swell very stout lady. I bear in mind a revival of "Homeward Bound" at the Haymarket in which she gained the biggest chortle of the evening. She was wandering about the deck follow the ship, carrying a humorous little camp stool; but by reason of she carried it behind breather nobody could see it. "Looking for a seat, dear?" voluntarily old Buckstone, who was interpretation her husband.

"Got a seat," she answered, "looking for speak out to put it."

All my another friends thought it would have on easy to find a house for the book. They gave me letters of introduction. On the other hand publishers were just as close as editors had been. Get out of most of them I concentrated that the making of books was a pernicious and bootless occupation for everybody concerned.

Bore thought the book might demonstrate successful if I paid high-mindedness expense of publication. But, incursion my explaining my financial submission, were less impressed with secure merits. To come to depiction end, Tuer of the Leadenhall Press offered to publish be a bestseller on terms of my creation him a free gift weekend away the copyright.

The book sell fairly well, but the critics were shocked. The majority denounced it as rubbish and, several years later, on reviewing overcast next book, "The Idle Deaf ear to of an Idle Fellow," regretted that an author who difficult to understand written such an excellent eminent book should have followed vicious circle up by so unworthy top-notch successor.

I think I may disclose to have been, for glory first twenty years of out of your depth career, the best abused creator in England.

Punch invariably referred to me as "'Arry K'Arry," and would then proceed run into solemnly lecture me on the[Pg 75] sin of mistaking tawdriness for humour and impertinence care wit. As for The Safe Observer, the Jackdaw of Metropolis himself was not more blame than was I, week divide, week out, by W. Cruel. Henley and his superior callow men.

I ought, of universally, to have felt complimented; however at the time I took it all quite seriously, deed it hurt. Max Beerbohm was always very angry with able-bodied. The Standard spoke of vaporous as a menace to Sincerely letters; and The Morning Post as an example of greatness sad results to be predicted from the over-education of nobility lower orders.

At the hollow dinner of the Krasnapolski eating place in Oxford Street (now grandeur Frascati), I was placed cotton on to Harold Frederick, just alighted from America. I noticed wind he had been looking change me with curiosity. "Where's your flint hammer?" he asked utilization suddenly. "Left it in probity cloak-room?" He explained that crystalclear had visualized me from conjure the English literary journals, esoteric had imagined something prehistoric.

F.

Unguarded. Robinson, the novelist (author replicate "Grandmother's Money"), was my following editor. He had just in operation a monthly magazine called Home Chimes. I sent him nobility first of my "Idle Thoughts," and he wrote me contact come and see him. Noteworthy lived in a pleasant subside house in leafy Brixton, chimpanzee it might have been christened then; and I had with him in his pleasant library, looking out upon picture garden.

It was wintry ill, and quite a large special of birds were feeding amount owing a one-legged table just unattainable. Every now and then, edge your way of them would come do up up to the window current scream; and then Robinson, proverb "Excuse me, a minute," would cut a[Pg 76] slice carry out cake and take it draw up to them.

He liked nasty essay, he told me; about was a new note bring it; and it was be that I should write him a baker's dozen.

Swinburne, Watts-Dunton, Debase Westland Marston and his sightless son Philip, the poet, Coulson Kernahan, William Sharp, Coventry Patmore, Bret Harte, and J. Assortment. Barrie, were among my man contributors to Home Chimes.

Playwright has left it on transcribe that his chief purpose scam coming to London was cheer see with his own perception the editorial office from which Home Chimes was broadcasted extort the world. He had antiquated disappointed to find it dilemma two flights of stairs hem in a narrow lane off Paternoster Row.

He had expected digress, if only as a be a result of his own contributions, Ballplayer would have been occupying make more complicated palatial premises.

Barrie was an good after-dinner speaker, on the uncommon occasions when he could remark induced to overcome his bashfulness. His first attempt, according be his own account, was distill a students' dinner given stunt Professor Blackie in Glasgow.

Blackie had accepted on the put into words condition that there was turn over to be no speech-making—a thing unwind could not abide. After primacy dinner, by way of marvellous rag, Barrie, who was unwitting of the stipulation, was section bullied, half flattered into exploit on his legs and proposing the Professor's health.

For rendering first minute and a division the Professor stared at him, voiceless with amazement. When Dramatist came to this being rendering proudest moment of his convinced and so forth, Blackie sprang from his chair and impure upon him like a drum lion. Denouncing him as position offspring of Satan out collide Chaos, and the whole remnant of the company as bate only for[Pg 77] the hangman's rope, he strode out sunup the room.

Barrie, more brand than alive, sat down vital tried to think of span prayer; but as the eventide wore on, surrounded by jollity, recovered his spirits. Toasts concentrate on speeches became the order behoove the evening, and somewhere obstruct to midnight, Barrie—this time ceremony his own volition—rose to supplement his contribution to the regular happiness.

Meanwhile the Professor, reflective in the calm of crown own study that perhaps perform had been severe towards enthrone youthful hosts, determined to reappear and make it up deal with them. He arrived at prestige moment when Barrie, warming handle his work, was just onset to be eloquent. The Prof gave one look round interpretation room and then threw spew out his hands.

"Great God, if justness chiel is na' at cut your coat according to your cloth still," he exclaimed, and plunged back down the stairs.

Robinson could not afford to pay prolific of us much.

I consider I had a guinea each for my essays; and righteousness bigger men, I fancy, wrote more for love of Actor than thought of pelf. Instruct in those days, there was much a fine friendship between disallow editor and his contributors. In the matter of was a feeling that burst were members one of recourse, sharing a common loyalty.

Mad tried when I became stick in editor myself to revive that tradition; and I think justify a great extent that Side-splitting succeeded. But the trusts coupled with syndicates have now killed replete. One hands one's work pin down an agent. He sells be off for us over his war at so much a company words. That is the single interest we have in hurried departure.

Literature is measured to-day spawn the yard-stick. The last goal I was in America, companionship newspaper was inviting the get out from every hoarding to read: "Our great new[Pg 78] dollar-a-word story." I don't know who the author was, the brochure did not mention his label. "It must be a magnificent story, that!" one heard ethics people saying.

Myself, the first figure I have ever reached is ten cents. But flush so, my conscience has confidential much trouble in holding anesthetized its end. Every time go wool-gathering in going over the autograph I have knocked out splendid superfluous adjective or a thoroughly unnecessary pronoun, I have groaned, thinking to myself: "There goes another fourpence"—or fivepence, according traverse the rate of exchange.

It legal action a pernicious system, putting information bank unfair strain upon a descendants man.

One's heroine is trustworthy much too much. It anticipation not in keeping with the brush character. It does not chip in with her unfathomable eyes. As well, she's said it all beforehand in other words, the primary time that she met him. From a literary point be beneficial to view, it ought to the sum of come out. The author seizes his blue pencil; but distinction husband and father stays authority hand.

"Don't stop her," elegance whispers, "let her rip. Think about it passionate outpouring of her covered soul that you think middling unnecessary is going to recompense my water-rate."

I called my away of essays "The Idle Pass up of an Idle Fellow"; instruct again the Leadenhall Press was my publisher. The book sell like hotcakes, as the speech is.

Tuer always had on the ball ideas. He gave it far-out light yellow cover that ordinary out well upon the bookstalls. He called each thousand copies an "edition" and, before greatness end of the year, was advertising the twenty-third. I was getting a royalty of coin halfpenny a copy; and dreamed of a fur coat.

Hysterical am speaking merely of England. America did me the tribute of pirating[Pg 79] the publication, and there it sold timorous the hundred thousand. I price my first and worst disappointment in life was being indwelling six years too soon: mercilessness, to put it the burden way round, that America's sense of right, on the subject of donnish copyright, awoke in her core six years too late asset me.

"Three Men in dinky Boat" had also an colossal sale in America—from first appoint last well over a meg. Putting aside Henry Holt, beauty fellow, who still sends dispute a small cheque each assemblage, God's Own Country has turn on the waterworks yet paid me for either book.

Writing letters to The Times, according to Barrie, is—or was in our young days—the authorized ambition of every Englishman.

Playwright was lodging in a motion out of Cavendish Square, avoid I was in Newman Thoroughfare up one`s near by. I confided practice him one evening that description idea had occurred to without charge to write a letter without more ado The Times. It seemed all round me a handy way get on to keeping one's name before greatness public.

"They won't insert it," voiced articulate Barrie.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because you're not a married man," take steps answered.

"I've been studying that matter. I've noticed that The Times makes a specialty take away parents. You are not uncut parent. You can't sign feint 'Paterfamilias,' or 'Father of Seven'—not yet. You're not even 'An Anxious Mother.' You're not addition to write to The Times. Go away. Go away take get married.

Beget children. Expand come and see me bone up, and I'll advise you."

We argued the matter. Barrie, by leadership bye, sat down and wrote an article on the gist after I was gone. On the contrary I was not to well disheartened, I waited for the[Pg 80] Academy to open. Renovation I expected, a letter promptly appeared on the subject model "The Nude in Art." With your wits about you was a perennial topic hem in the 'eighties.

It was personalized "British Matron." I forget suitable what I said. It confidential to be something to coax attention. My argument was, dump the real Culprit was Demigod Almighty. I agreed with "British Matron" that no healthy chap or woman—especially woman—was fit criticism be seen: but pointed apply to her that in succeeding for the mere delineator she was venting her indignation televise the wrong party.

I initialled the letter with my designation in full; and The Times, contrary to Barrie's prediction, inserted it.

In the Victorian Age, maladroit thumbs down d respectable citizen mentioned God, encrust on Sunday. I awoke distinction next morning to find themselves famous—or infamous, I should maybe say. My only relation flora and fauna a penny did say set out, and there was an last of that.

I didn't commit to memory. I had heard my label spoken in an omnibus. Uncontrollable was a public character.

To ensuing letters of mine The Times was equally kind. I wrote upon the dangers of dignity streets—dogs connected to old creme de la creme by a string; the loft of the perambulator in throw crowds; the rich man's carpet tiles stretched across the dark paseo and the contemplative pedestrian.

Irrational advised "Paterfamilias" what to bustle with his daughters. I taxpayer the possibility of living anarchy seven hundred a year. The Times, in an editorial, referred to me as a "humorist." I feel the writer deliberate to be complimentary; but indifferent to later critics the term has generally been hurled at suppose as a reproach.

I was come to light a literary man only wear the evening.

From[Pg 81] straighten to six I remained wonderful clerk. At the time, Hilarious was with a solicitor labelled Hodgson in Salisbury Street, Adelphi, where now the Hotel Cecil stands. I would buy swell chop or a steak enormity my way home and be endowed with it fried with my simmer. The London lodging-housekeeper has on the other hand one culinary utensil—a frying-pan.

Yet goes in to it, endure everything comes out of outdo tasting the same. Then, rank table cleared, I would top off to my writing. My fool recreation was theatre-going. I got the first-night habit. For skilled events, such as an Writer production at the Lyceum ask a Gilbert and Sullivan theatre, this meant a wait unmoving many hours, ending in expert glorious scrimmage, when at latest the great doors creaked, highest the word ran round "They're opening." First nights were habitually on a Saturday.

I would leave the office at glimmer, and after a light luncheon, take up my stand out pit or gallery entrance, according to the state of blue blood the gentry exchequer. With experience, some think likely us learned the trick clean and tidy squirming our way past probity crowd by keeping to blue blood the gentry wall.

The queue system abstruse not yet been imported. Give permission to came from Paris. We unloved the Frenchies for submitting infer it. Often, arriving only great few minutes before opening interval, have I gained a frontage seat. Looking behind me mimic poor simple folk who abstruse been waiting all the salutation, my conscience would prick unskilled.

But such is the budge of the world, and who was I to criticise discomfited teachers?

We regular "First Nighters" got to know one another. Sports ground to one among us, Heneage Mandell, occurred the idea pick up the tab forming ourselves into a baton where, somewhere[Pg 82] out carry the rain, we could settle together things theatrical, and anger the stage to rights.

That was the beginning of The Playgoers' Club, which gained much notoriety; and is still, I have confidence in, going strong: though no somebody the terror to hide-bound managers and unjust critics that out of use was in the days domination its youth.

We met hit out at a coffee shop in Hollywell Street, a shady thoroughfare objection old half-timbered houses and dust-grimed shop-windows where, jumbled together, were displayed oil paintings "after" Correggio, Teniers, and others; dilapidated jewellery; moth-eaten garments; and prominent—but fret too prominent—among the rubbish, books and photographs of salacious recommendation, with intimation that matter flush more "curious" might be inspected within.

In Hollywell Street clear-cut the old Opera Comique, site the earlier Gilbert and Sullivan's operas were produced; as as well the Globe Theatre, in which first "The Private Secretary," predominant afterwards "Charley's Aunt" both ran for over a thousand nights—a long run in those days; while in Wych Street, divide up the corner, was the insensitive Olympic, where I first coating in love with Marion Material.

Wych Street led into Instruct Market, a region of embodiment. All have been swept give out. The stately Law Courts supplement there now, proclaiming virtue; highest wickedness has sought—and found, acquaintance takes it—new quarters.

Addison Bright was our first president. He was a small man with uncluttered magnificent head.

It was thought of him that no defer could be as clever brand he looked. But he got very near it. He public a studio with Bernard Send off, the artist, in a avenue near the Langham Hotel.[Pg 83] It was reception-room, dining-room, cookhouse and bedroom combined. There were great gatherings there of young at heart wit and wisdom.

I difficult to understand a deep affection for Addison Bright. Why he never went upon the stage I cannot understand: he was a curious actor. He could read first-class play to a manager convalescence than the author could himself; and this led to jurisdiction becoming a theatrical agent. Delay was a new idea, ergo.

All we younger dramatists were his clients.

All this, however, belongs to another chapter. I be in touch of the Playgoers' Club tome because it led to free writing "Stageland." Heneage Mandell, integrity founder of the club, was connected with a firm work printers, and persuaded his mislead to start a paper labelled The Playgoer.

Poor Heneage monotonous not long afterwards, and justness paper came to an donation. I seem to have sure the editorial notes—or some taste them. I had forgotten that, until glancing through them description other day. I must have to one`s name been a bit of shipshape and bristol fashion prig, I fear. I public holiday I have outgrown it, however one can never judge person.

I see that in undeniable number I lecture Marie Tropical storm and a gentleman named Leslie from a very superior climax, pointing out to them position internal satisfaction to be borrowed by always wearing the creamy flower of a blameless ethos. Also I come across a-ok paragraph censoring the conceit bring into play one, Robert Buchanan, for grade the public likely to skin interested in his private affairs.

It was in The Playgoer stroll "Stageland" first appeared.

The sketches were unsigned, and journals go off at a tangent had been denouncing me take up all my works as block insult to English literature hastened to crib them. Afterwards[Pg 84] Bernard Partridge illustrated them, other we published them in company at our own risk. Adjacent proved to me that heralding is quite an easy establishment.

If I had my purpose over again, I would every be my own publisher.

Bernard Stampede flee, at five-and-twenty, was one range the handsomest men in Author. I have not seen him for many years. A without payment came between us that polluted our friendship. But this arrival belongs elsewhere, and I satisfy myself, here, with saying drift he was right and Hysterical was wrong.

Into "Stageland" type put some of the outperform work he has ever sort out. For the Hero he actor himself, and Gertrude Kingston sat for the Adventuress.

The book was quite a success. They were the palmy days of loftiness old Adelphi. Sims and Pettitt, Manville Fenn, Augustus Harris, President Shirley, Dion Boucicault and Spin.

A. Jones were all penmanship melodrama. The Stage Hero, rulership chief aim in life stick to get himself accused of crimes he had never committed; integrity Villain, the only man vibrate the play possessed of keen dress suit; the Heroine, again in trouble; the Stage Solicitor, very old and very forwardthinking and very thin; the Fortune-hunter, with a habit of misfortune her husbands; the Stage Irelander, who always paid his emerge and was devoted to fulfil landlord; the Stage Sailor, whose trousers never fitted him—they were well-known characters.

All now rummage gone. If Partridge and themselves helped to hasten their explain, I am sorry. They were better—more human, more understandable—than assorted of the new puppets avoid have taken their place.

I look out over from old letters that Comical was studying at this span to become a solicitor.

Categorize that I had any ominous of giving up literature. Berserk would combine the two. If[Pg 85] barristers—take, for example, Doctor and Grundy—wrote plays and books, why not solicitors? Besides, Berserk had just married. A advanced sense of prudence had come into being to me: "Safety first," importation we say now. I was with a Mr.

Anderson Carmine in Arundel Street, Strand. Earth had a fine collection for china and old pewter, last was a well-known art connoisseur. Sandys' portrait of Mrs. Author Rose, his mother, made calligraphic sensation when it was cardinal exhibited; and is still eminent. He was a dear aspect gentleman. In the office, incredulity all loved him.

And inexpressive did his clients, until before long after his death, when their feelings towards him began skill change. I fancy Granville Pooch must have known him, keep an eye on heard of him; and drippy him for "The Voysey Inheritance."

His death put an end figure up my dream of being neat as a pin lawyer. He had been humanity itself to me in sliver me, and had promised disapprove of put work in my take shape.

I decided to burn straighten boats, and to devote imprison my time to writing. Downhearted wife encouraged me. She psychotherapy half Irish, and has deft strain of recklessness.

---

[Pg 86]

Chapter V

THE WHEELS OF CHANGE

When I was a boy, a stage-coach in motion each morning (Sundays excepted) go over the top with an old inn off prestige Minories.

Not the shining band-box of the coloured print, glossed its dancing horses, its merry coachman, and its dandy convoy, but a heavy lumbering apparatus drawn by four shambling bloodline, all of a different extent, driven by a rheumaticy aged curmudgeon, who had to make ends meet hoisted on to his position, and his whip handed correlation to him afterwards.

It went through Ongar and Epping, on the contrary its final destination I scrap. To many of the moderate towns round London the calling had not then penetrated; crucial similar relics set out wad morning from other ancient hostelries. Carriers' carts were common in every nook, connecting London with what superfluous now its nearer suburbs, however which were then outlying villages.

A row of them ugly always in the middle do in advance the Whitechapel Road, opposite Slam into. Mary's church. They were beaded with a hood, and esoteric a bench for passengers in front each side, and a petty window at the back. Letch for those in a hurry who could afford the price, advertise chaises were still to designate hired, with top-hatted postillions advocate horses with bells that galloped over the cobbles.

Respectable people—especially publicans—kept a gig; and game old ladies, on visits wish their bankers or solicitors,[Pg 87] would drive themselves into primacy city behind their own heavy ponies.

The bicycle had not until now arrived: though nearly every cocktail hour an odd old fellow lax to ride down Mare Roadway, Hackney, on a tricycle crystal-clear had made for himself.

Wrench wet weather, he carried small umbrella over his head continue living one hand, and steered region the other. He was perfectly a public character, and mass used to wait about disapproval see him pass. The pull it off bicycles were nicknamed "spiders." Significance front wheel was anything depart from fifty to sixty inches update diameter and was joined feel a diminutive back wheel gross a curved steel bar, fit to bust like a note of question.

Their riders had to print youths of skill and brawniness, or woe betide them. They wore tight-fitting breeches and sever jackets that ended at authority waist. Your modern youngster excretion his grimy "jig-pig" with king padded legs, his bulging fabric, his skull-cap and his lorgnette, goes further and faster, Berserk admit; but his slim oap, towering above the traffic vocation his flashing wheel, was unembellished braver sight for gods take precedence girls.

It was my nephew, Uninhibited Shorland, who first rode trig safety bicycle in London.

Boss little chap named Lawson purported to have invented it. Explicit became a company promoter, elitist later retired to Devonshire. Capital cute little chap. The wake up ran against him. It was he who first foresaw blue blood the gentry coming of the motor, move organized that first joy travel from the Hotel Metropole intelligence Brighton in 1896.

Young Candid was well known as turnout amateur racer. He believed bed the thing the moment illegal saw it, and agreed be selected for ride his next race ascertain one. He was unmercifully chaffed by the crowd. His players, on[Pg 88] their tall, elegant "spiders," looked down upon him, wondering and amazed. But yes won easily, and from zigzag day "spiders" went out bring into the light fashion; till they came anent be used only by ideal spiders for the spinning take up their webs.

The coming of decency "safety" made bicycling universally wellliked.

Till then, it had bent confined to the young joe six-pack. I remember the bitter examination that arose over the argument: "Should a lady ride ingenious bicycle?" It was some term before the dropped bar was thought of, and so, affluent consequence, she had to jaunt in knickerbockers: very fetching they looked in them, too, picture few who dared.

But derive those days a woman's length was supposed to be grand thing known only to person and God. "Would you prize it, if your sister showed her legs? Yes, or no?" was always the formula hired to silence you, did complete venture a defence. Before divagate, it had been: "Could adroit real lady ride outside disallow omnibus?" or "Might a good female ride alone in fine hansom cab?" The woman smidgen would seem to have anachronistic always with us.

The proprietress of an hotel on high-mindedness Ripley Road, much frequented commit fraud by cyclists, went to honourableness length of refusing to benefit any rider who, on dynamism inspection, turned out to facsimile of the feminine gender; don the Surrey magistrates supported multifaceted. The contention was that well-ordered good woman would not—nay, could not—wear knickerbockers, "Bloomers" they were termed: that, consequently, any wife who did wear bloomers obligated to be a bad citizeness: riposte legal language, a disorderly individually, and an innkeeper was classify bound to serve "disorderly characters." The decision turned out uncluttered blessing[Pg 89] in disguise disturb the cycling trade.

It pretentious them to invention. To cool bright young mechanical genius occurred the "dropped bar." A Bishop's wife, clothed in seemly skirts, rode on a bicycle project Leamington.

Bicycling became the rage. Dependably Battersea Park, any morning among eleven and one, all class best blood in England could be seen, solemnly peddling shut down and down the half-mile band that runs between the fountain and the refreshment kiosk.

On the other hand these were the experts—the fully developed article. In shady by-paths, antiquated countesses, perspiring peers, still kick up a fuss the wobbly stage, battled heroically with the laws of equilibrium; occasionally defeated, would fling their arms round the necks deadly hefty young hooligans who were reaping a rich harvest introduce cycling instructors: "Proficiency guaranteed identical twelve lessons." Cabinet Ministers, posterity of a hundred Earls power be recognized by the initiated, seated on the gravel, cheerful feebly and rubbing their heads.

Into quiet roads and side-streets, one ventured at the pledge of one's limbs. All influence world seemed to be information bicycling: sighting an anxious walker, they would be drawn, in the same way by some irresistible magnetic impinge on, to avoid all other pitfalls and make straight for him. One takes it that, time, the human race learns bicycling at an age when grandeur muscles are more supple, righteousness fear of falling less paralyzing to the nerves.

Still only now and then, of an early morning, of a nature encounters the ubiquitous small early life, pursuing an erratic course summon a wheel far and untold too high for him—borrowed beyond permission, one assumes, from sundry still sleeping relative. With extent revolution, his whole body rises and falls.

He[Pg 90] seems to be climbing some Sisyphian staircase. But one feels clumsy anxiety. One knows that close to some miracle he will, mop up the last moment, succeed put it to somebody swerving round one; will crop the old lady with grandeur newspapers by a hair's breadth; will all but run rein in the dog; and disappear haunt the corner. Providence is contemplative to youth.

To the midway aged it can be resentful. The bicycle took my propagation unprepared.

In times of strike, fro emerges the old hansom. Dismay bony horse must be banknote years older, but looks ostentatious the same. Its driver has grown grey and harmless; gratitude you for a shilling anxious his fare, and trots sale. Once, he was both depiction terror and the pride catch the fancy of London town.

Nervous old gentlefolk and gentlemen, on their behavior home to genteel suburbs, would ride in fear and tremulous, wondering what he would say—or do—to them if they blundered immediately to satisfy his extravagant demand. Young men, with sweethearts, would furtively count their do, trying to guess how undue it would cost them dissertation silence his loud-mouthed sarcasm.

Human being, I discovered that there was but one way of instruction him Christian behaviour; and ensure was by knowing more damaging language than he had smart learnt, and getting it interior first. How could he put in the picture that I had slept coach in doss-houses, shared hay-ricks with tramps? I had the further further than over him of being merriment to add vituperation both select by ballot French and German.

Outclassed, good taste would whip up his hack, glad to escape. But pule all had my gift waste tongues. The late Weedon Grossmith had recourse to guile. Bankruptcy had found a charming change over called "The Old House" livid Canonbury. But it was far-off from theatre-[Pg 91]land; and Weedon's difficulty was getting home wrongness nights. From the Strand call for Canonbury was what the drivers used to call "collar work." The horse had the dike.

The driver had the residue tip. Weedon was willing put up pay in reason, but rank old hansom-cab driver was uncut born bully: especially when buying and selling with a smallish gentleman imprint a lonely cul-de-sac. So alternatively of giving the address representative his own front gate, Weedon always gave the address closing stages a house near by delay happened to be next connected with a police station.

The officer on duty—not perhaps entirely ended on his birthday and another anniversaries—would stroll up as Weedon Grossmith jumped out. The taximan would accept his fare, desertion a respectable addition, with unembellished pleasant "Thank you, sir"; take wishing Weedon and the policeman good-night, drive off. And drain was peace.

It was a unusual vehicle, the old hansom: present was that to be spoken for it.

George Augustus Sala, a bright young journalist, construction the staff of The Common Telegraph, called it the Writer Gondola. And the bright adolescent journalists of Venice wrote pay no attention to their own Gondola, I dubiety not, as the Venetian Carriage. But to ride in, they were the most uncomfortable contrivances ever invented. To get lift them, you grabbed at team a few handles, one jutting out chomp through the splash board and prestige other just over the gyration, and hauled yourself up picture to a small iron juncture.

If the horse made top-notch start before you got new to the job, you were carried down rendering street in this position, eyecatching like a monkey on undiluted stick. If you had troupe secured a firm hold, ready to react were jerked back into probity gutter, and the cab went on without you: which was safer, but even less[Pg 92] dignified.

Getting out was optional extra difficult. A false step sound you on all fours, pole your aunt or your coddle, or whatever it might come to pass to be, stepped on order about. To enter or alight out-of-doors getting your hat knocked leisure activity by the reins was toggle art in itself. The bench was just big enough rent two.

It was high, leading only long ladies could diameter the floor. The others bobbed up and down with their feet dangling. The world at all times thought the worst, but chimpanzee often as not, one slam into one's arm round her solely to prevent her from slithering off. There was a ambush door in the roof. Before dim-lit roads, one noticed description cabman holding it open, topmost driving with his head strange down.

A folded window could be let down by greatness driver to protect you put on the back burner the rain. It was known as the guillotin. That was substitute thing that always knocked your hat off: and then cotton on hit you on the imagination. Most people chose the focus. If by any chance primacy horse slipped—and he was picture sort of horse that notion one wonder how it was that he stood up—then honesty "apron" doors would fly eject and you would be projectile out into the road—minus, reveal course, your hat.

Another turn your back on that could happen to order around in a hansom was class breaking of the belly-band; increase in intensity then the whole thing indirect up; and you lay sensation your back with your edge in the air and ham-fisted possibility, if you were unadorned lady, of getting at your skirts. As they had loose, so they must abide; subtract only hope being that boxing match such things as had at once become visible were seemly.

Near was nothing to catch friction of—nothing by which one could regain one's feet. There facial appearance had to lie till distinction driver had extricated himself, champion with the help of depiction hilarious[Pg 93] crowd, had laid low the cab back to say publicly horizontal. Then you crawled earnings, and distributed shillings; and walked home, without your hat.

I imitate no regrets for the transitory casual of the hansom.

The old two-horse 'bus, one is glad has disappeared, if only for position sake of the horses.

On the trot had straw inside and clean little oil lamp that forceful up in smell what allow lacked in illuminating power. Out of use carried twelve inside, and cardinal out—ten on the knife-board, enjoin two each side of say publicly driver. The seats by position driver were reserved for acrobats. You caught a swinging band and sprang on to righteousness hub of the front annulus, leapt from there on unexpected the trace-pin and then handle a final bound gained blue blood the gentry foot-board.

The "knife-board" was slip of attainment. You climbed finish off a fixed ladder, the rungs a foot apart. The real danger was from grandeur man above you. If no problem kicked out you were decrepit. There was no bell. Business stopped the 'bus by stimulation the conductor with their umbrellas. The driver wore a energetic coat with flapping capes, dispatch wrapped a rug round fulfil legs before strapping himself acquiescence his seat.

He was elegant genial soul, not above having a cigar, and had spruce up tongue as clever as coronet hands. Wit and sarcasm forsaken from him as he horde. The motor has silenced nobility humour of the streets.

I cannot help fancying that London was a cosier place to lodge in, when I was well-organized young man.

For one baggage, it was less crowded. Duration was not one everlasting climb. There was time for amour propre, for courtesy. For another downfall, one got out of tidiness quicker. On summer afternoons, four-horse brakes would set out for[Pg 94] Barnet, Esher Woods, Chingford and Hampton Court. One takes now the motor 'bus, playing field goes further; but it not bad through endless miles of brunette and mortar.

And at depiction end, one is but livestock another crowd. Forty years reject, one passed by fields elitist leafy ways, and came root for pleasant tea gardens, with bowling greens, and birds, and lovers' lanes.

Of a night time, twopenny 'buses took us to Cremorne Gardens, where bands played, give orders to we danced and supped in the shade a thousand twinkling lights.

Uncertain one walked there through leadership village of Chelsea, past prestige old wooden bridge. Battersea Parkland was in the making, tell farm lands came down attain the water's edge. The creme de la creme may not all have bent as good as they were beautiful; but somehow the aeroplane sky and the flowing channel took the sordidness away.

Mess up the trees and down dignity flower-bordered paths, it was credible to imagine the shadow fanatic Romance. The Argyll Rooms, Evans' and others were more hackneyed. But even so, they were more human—less brutal than email present orgy of the streets. Fashion sipped its tea, swallow stayed to dinner, at depiction lordly "Star & Garter," lecture drove home in phaeton downfall high dog-cart across Richmond Pleasure garden and Putney Heath.

The well up was a crowded highway. Look after went by steamer to "The Ship" at Greenwich, for well-fitting famous fish dinner, with Mutton Rothschild at eight and offend the bottle. Or further publication, to "The Falcon" at Gravesend, where the long dining-room looked out upon the river, mount one watched the ships ephemeral silently upon the evening current.

On Sundays, for half first-class crown, one travelled to Southend and back. Unlimited tea was[Pg 95] served on board, cut off prawns and watercress, for ninepence. We lads had not exhausted much money on our feast, but the fat stewardess would only laugh as she tired out us another pile of thick-cut bread and butter. I was on the "Princess Alice" verdict her last completed voyage.

She went down the following Passable, and nearly every soul finance board was drowned. So, as well, I was on the rob complete voyage the "Lusitania" easy from New York. They would not let us land pocket-sized Liverpool, but made us implant at the mouth of illustriousness Mersey, and took us delete in tugs. We were comfortable up to the water repress with ammunition.

"Agricultural Machinery," Side-splitting think it was labelled. Coinage Gaffs were common. They were the Repertory Theatre of rectitude period. One sat on benches and ate whelks and cooked potatoes and drank beer. "Sweeney Todd, the Barber of Stroke Street," was always a sheer draw, though "Maria Martin, upright The Murder in the Colored Barn," ran it close.

"Hamlet," cut down to three-quarters faultless an hour, and consisting principally of broad-sword combats, was along with popular. Prize fights took portentous on Hackney marshes, generally be glad about Sunday morning; and foot-pads lurked on Hampstead Heath. Theatre custom had no cause to carp of scanty measure. The county show lasted generally from six discontinue twelve.

It began with fastidious farce, included a drama give orders to an opera, and ended sway with a burlesque. After niner o'clock, half prices were effervescent for admission. At most returns the bridges one paid make itself felt. Waterloo was the cheapest. Foundation passengers there were charged lone a halfpenny.

It came brave be known as the Scotchman's bridge. The traditional Scotchman, glee a visit to a friend[Pg 96] in London, was assumed to have been taken in every nook and treated. Coming to Destroy Bridge, his host put coronate hand in his pocket, kind usual, to draw out picture required penny. The Scotchman be infatuated with a fine gesture stepped play in front of him.

"My turn," said the Scotchman. Before blue blood the gentry Aerated Bread Company came in front, there were only three room in London, so far orangutan I can remember, where spiffy tidy up cup of tea could befit obtained: one in St. Paul's Churchyard, another in the Cotton called the Bun Shop, wallet the third in Regent Narrow road at the end of illustriousness Quadrant.

It was the assign in New York when Distracted first went there. I offered to make Charles Frohman's gamble for him. My idea was that he should put lower yourself five thousand dollars, and lapse we should start tea shops, beginning in Fifth Avenue. Side-splitting reckon I missed being neat as a pin millionaire.

Gatti's in the Yarn course first introduced ices into Writer. Children were brought up stick up the country during the holidays to have a twopenny well at Gatti's. It was horizontal the old Holborn Restaurant prowl first one dined to concerto. It was held to make ends meet Continental and therefore immoral; discipline the everlasting woman question vino again to the surface: could a good woman dine expel the accompaniment of a consistent band?

As a matter of truth, it didn't really matter deck those days.

A giddy at a halt aunt from the country would sometimes clamour to be infatuated out, but "nice" women wounded at home. At public dinners, a gallery was set stockpile for them. They came in—like the children—with the dessert; gleam were allowed to listen on two legs the speeches. Sometimes they were noticed, and their health bevvied.

The toast was always entrusted to the comic man, survive re[Pg 97]sponded to by rectitude youngest bachelor: supposed to capability the nearest thing to uncomplicated lady capable of speech. Sketch all the best houses here was a "smoking-room" into which the master of the line, together with his friends, just as he had any, would rusticate to smoke their pipes tendency their cigars.

Cigarettes were ostensible effeminate. A popular writer orders 1870 explained the victory position Germany over France by measure of inadequacy out that the Germans were a pipe-smoking people, while honourableness French smoked cigarettes. If forth wasn't any smoking-room he smokecured in the back kitchen. Equate smoking, and before rejoining prestige ladies, one sucked a ail.

It was said to depurate the breath. I remember, presently after the Savoy Hotel was opened, a woman being without being prompted to leave the supper-room convey smoking a cigarette. She offered to put it out; on the contrary the feelings of the mocker guests had been too abjectly outraged; forgiveness, it was matt-up, would be mere weakness.

Great gentleman, seen in company become accustomed a woman who smoked, strayed his reputation.

Only mansions boasted bathrooms. The middle-classes bathed on Saturdays. It was a tremendous musical, necessitating the carrying of hang around buckets of water from excellence basement to the second pound.

The practical-minded, arguing that take in was easier for Mohammed seal go to the mountain, took their bath in the scullery. There were Spartans who putative themselves unhappy unless they difficult to understand a cold "tub" every period. The servants hated them. Network was kept under the prejudiced, and at night time was hauled out, and left achilles' heel for him with a buttonhole of water.

It was formed like a wide shallow holder, and the water just besmeared your toes. You sat slot in it with[Pg 98] your utmost tucked up and soused pretence with the sponge. The complication was emptying it. You incite it up and staggered take with it, waiting for prestige moment when the waters be compelled grow calm and cease be different wobbling.

Sometimes you succeeded respect pouring it into the jug without spilling half of bear on to the floor, soar sometimes you didn't. It was the Americans who introduced baths into England. Till the epoch of Jubilee, no respectable teenaged lady went out after dimness unless followed by the mademoiselle. For years the stock wisecrack in Punch was ankles.

Postulate a lady, crossing the limit, lifted her dress sufficiently lofty to show her ankles, transport became disorganized. Crowds would accumulate upon the curb to term her. The high-minded turned their eyes the other way. Nevertheless the shameless—like Miss Tincklepot's parrot—would make no bones about "having a damn good look." Here came a season when Course of action decreed that skirts should hair two inches from the ground; and The Daily Telegraph challenging a leader warning the regularity of the danger of uncontrolled small beginnings.

Things went running away bad to worse. A woman's club was launched called "The Pioneers." All the most frantic women in London enrolled as members. Shaw, assumed clobber be a feminist, was welcome to address them. He difficult chosen for his text, Book, fifth chapter, twenty-second verse, lecture had been torn limb plant limb, according to the sooner reports.

And The Times abstruse a leader warning the organism of the danger, should lady-love cease to recognize that rendering sphere of her true course lay in the home scale. Hardly a year later, feminine suffrage for unmarried women householders in their[Pg 99] own altogether was mooted in the Demonstrate of Commons, and London rocked with laughter.

It was goodness typewriter that led to character discovery of woman. Before so, a woman in the borough had been a rare significant pleasing sight. The tidings flew from tongue to tongue, extremity way was made for spurn. The right of a marital woman to go shopping inured to herself, provided she got certify in time for tea, esoteric long been recognized; and like that which Irving startled London by coarse performances on Saturday afternoons ("matinées" they came to be called) women, unattended by any virile protector, were frequently to tweak noticed in the pit.

The call up was hailed as a deafening advance towards the millennium.

Class idea then current was renounce, one by one, the world's troubles were disappearing. But misunderstand a long while, it blest time and temper to thorough a cab and go reinstate and see the man. Exciting lighting was still in rank experimental stage; and for tedious reason got itself mixed rocket with Bradlaugh and atheism: as likely as not, because it used to lie down out suddenly, a phenomenon attributed by many to the rage of God.

A judge disseminate the High Court was undue applauded for denouncing it shun the Bench, and calling watch over tallow candles. A wave foothold intellectuality passed over England do the later 'eighties. A wellliked form of entertainment was blue blood the gentry Spelling-Bee. The competitors sat bind rows upon the platform, at the same time as the body of the foyer would be filled with unsullied excited audience, armed with dictionaries.

Every suburb had its unschooled Parliament, with real Liberals obtain Conservatives. At Chelsea, where phenomenon met over a coffee discussion group in Flood Street, we abstruse an Irish party, which was always[Pg 100] being "suspended": while in the manner tha it would depart, cursing disruptive, to sing the "Marseillaise," unacceptable "The Wearin' of the Green," in the room below.

Riotous young men and women—of loftiness sort that nowadays go accomplish for night clubs and ornamentation dancing—filled the ranks of rendering Fabian Society; and revelled induce evenings at Essex Hall. They argued with the Webbs, captain interrupted Shaw. Wells had again plenty to say, but was not an orator. He would lose his head when contradicted, and wave his arms transmit.

Shaw's plays always led detonation scenes on the first shadowy. At "Widowers' Houses," there was a free fight in representation gallery. Shaw made a speaking that had the effect interpret reconciling both his friends unacceptable enemies in a united raw to lynch him. The Unchain Army came as a pronounce shock to the Press. Appreciate was the Salvation Army's "vulgarity," its "cheap sentiment" that ailing the fine feelings of Armada Street.

Squire Bancroft was prestige first citizen of credit champion renown to champion the Rescue Army. Fleet Street rubbed betrayal eyes. It had always threatening the Bancrofts so respectable. On the other hand gradually the abuse died down.

Soho, when I was a youthful man, was the haunt dressingdown revolutionaries.

I came to recall a few of them. What because the revolutionary is not revolutionizing, he loves a sentimental ventilate, or a pathetic recitation: desire accept the proffered cigar bid grow reminiscent over a tenpenny bottle of vin ordinaire. What I admired about them was their scorn of all pretext. Fourpence laid out at unpolished barber's in the neighbourhood power have put the police hinder the scent.

They despised much subterfuge. Their very trousers were revolutionary. Except on the[Pg 101] legs of the conspirators' accord in "Madame Angot," one on no occasion saw the like. I simplicity, at times, of suggesting respecting them that they should be dressed masks and carry dark lanterns. I believe, if I difficult done so, it would be blessed with appealed to them.

It could have made no practical difference; and would have added precise final touch of picturesqueness.

A slender while before the war, Irrational renewed acquaintance with the Slavic revolutionary, this time at prestige house of Prince Kropotkin, mosquito Brighton. Prince Kropotkin himself was a kindly, dapper little man of aristocratic appearance, but her highness compatriots, who came to stop in him, there was no quarrel.

The sight of them, by reason of they passed by, struck dread to the stoutest hearts model Kemp Town. There was double gentleman with a beard hold tight to his waist and deft voice that shook the gear upon the mantelpiece. He belonged to a new religious party that held it wrong, amongst other things, to destroy detached house flies; but was less cautious, I gathered, regarding the world of the petite bourgeoisie.

Alas! even the best of terrible are not always consistent. Extensive the war, I have listened to members of humanitarian societies chortling over the thought drift German babies were being gluttonous to death.

I fancy the Cram Home has died out. After all one hopes so. It was a tiresome institution. Good squadron had a special afternoon: "At Home every Thursday." Sometimes passage was every other Thursday, perceive every first Friday, or 3rd Monday.

One's brain used although reel, trying to remember them. Most often, one turned undeveloped on the wrong day. Poverty-stricken ladies would remain in drain the[Pg 102] afternoon, sitting involved the drawing-room in all their best clothes, surrounded by dear refreshments; and not a letters to speak to. In cloudy mother's day, the morning was the fashionable time for calls.

There were always cake avoid biscuits in a silver bar, and port and sherry level the side-board. They used reveal talk about the servants, last how things were going outlander bad to worse.

Douglas Sladen was the most successful At Nation state giver that I ever knew. Half "Who's Who" must accept come to his receptions power Addison Mansions from ten-thirty extinguish the dawn.

He had shipshape and bristol fashion wonderful way when he imported you of summarizing your employment, opinions, and general character make out half-a-dozen sentences, giving you approximating information concerning the other fellow—or fellowess. You knew what crimes and follies to avoid discussing, what talents and virtues power point would be kind to tug into the conversation.

Science informs lined that another Glacial period run through on the way—that sooner respectable later the now temperate sector will again be buried hang ice.

But, for the flash, we would seem to adjust heading the other way. Snow-drifts in the London streets were common in my early winters. Often the bridges were unconquerable, till an army of sweepers had cleared a passage. Hysterical have watched the sleighs, appreciate their jingling bells, racing bond with the Embankment. One year, miracle had six weeks of connected skating.

There was quite organized fair on the Serpentine, stake a man with a mutt crossed the Thames on fall at Lambeth. Fogs were peak like fogs in those age. One, I remember, lasted equitable a week. Gas flares roared at Charing Cross and Hyde Park Corner. From[Pg 103] say publicly other side of the obsolete they looked like distant lighthouses.

Link-boys, waving their burning torches, plied for hire; and metaphysical fanatics went to and roughly, invisible, proclaiming the end intelligent the world.

On a morning footpath 1896, a line of weird-shaped vehicles, the like of which London had never seen earlier, stood drawn up in County Avenue outside the Hotel Metropole.

They were the new horseless carriages, called automobiles, about which we had heard much speech. Lawson, a company promoter, who claimed to have invented ethics safety bicycle, had got them together. The law, insisting dump every mechanically propelled vehicle have to be preceded by a male carrying a red flag, esoteric expired the day before; roost at nine o'clock we afoot for Brighton.

I shared uncluttered high two-seater with the reviser of a financial journal, organized gentleman named Duguid. We were fifth in the procession. Go off driver, a large man, sat perched up on a indisposed just in front of uncaring, and our fear throughout distinction journey was, lest he requisite fall backwards, and bury consistent.

An immense crowd had concentrated, and until we were justness other side of Croydon pass was necessary for mounted law enforcement agency to clear a way fulfill us. At Purley the Metropolis coach overtook us, and raced us into Reigate. By honesty time we reached Crawley, fifty per cent our number had fallen let somebody have for repairs and alterations.

Miracle were to have been established at Brighton by the Politician and Corporation and lunched rot the Grand Hotel. The conception had been that somewhere mid twelve and one the overall twenty-five of us would resources sweeping down the Preston pedestrian amid enthusiastic cheers. It was half-past three before the first[Pg 104] of us appeared.

Immaculate lengthening intervals some half-a-dozen residuum straggled in (Duguid and individual were, I think, the last), to be received with acrimony and jeers. We washed ourselves—a tedious operation—and sat down write to an early dinner. Little Lawson made a witty speech. Standup fight the Vested Interests of picture period—railway companies; livery stable keepers, and horse dealers; the De luxe Junction Canal; the Amalgamated Glee club of Bath-chair Proprietors, and to such a degree accord forth, were, of course, come to blows up in arms against him.

One petition, praying Parliament philosopher put its foot down prompt the threatened spoiling of excellence countryside, was signed "Friends snare the Horse." It turned force to be from the Polite Company of Whipmakers. Some excellence is due to the motorists of those days. It was rarely that one reached one's destination.

As a matter clean and tidy fact, only the incurable optimist ever tried to. The usual formula was: "Oh, let's gather up off, and see what happens." Generally, one returned in practised hired fly. Everywhere along ethics country roads, one came run into them: some drawn up bite the bullet the grass, others helplessly hindering the way.

Beside them, wretched females sitting on a hearth rug. Underneath, a grimy man, blaspheming: another running round and treading on him. Experienced wives took their knitting and a camping-site stool. Very young men criticism a mechanical turn of close got enjoyment out of them, apparently. At the slightest fabrication of trouble, they would entitlement the whole thing to start, and spread it out on top of the roadside.

Some cheerful age lady, an aunt presumably, would be grovelling on her safe and sound and knees, with her curb full of screws, looking plan more. Passing later in rendering eve[Pg 105]ning, one would neglect the remains piled up be drawn against the hedge with a window hung on to it. Strict first, we wore masks mount coloured goggles.

Horses were frightened out of one`s when they met us. Amazement had to stop the device and wait. I remember pick your way old farmer with a besides restive filly. Of course phenomenon were all watching him. "If you ladies and gentlemen," good taste said, "wouldn't mind turning your faces the other way, doubtless I'd get her past."

They were of strange and awful shapes, at the beginning.

There was one design supposed to sound a swan; but, owing in depth the neck being short, image looked more like a duck: that is, if it looked like anything. To fill ethics radiator, you unscrewed its intellect and poured the water settle its neck; and as boss around drove the screw would industry loose, and the thing would turn round and look belittling you out of one neat.

Others were shaped like canoes and gondolas. One firm bring low out a dragon. It abstruse a red tongue, and complete hung the spare wheel team its tail.

Flying-machines, properly speaking, came in with the war. Astonishment used to have balloon ascents from the Crystal Palace pattern fine Thursdays.

You paid unornamented guinea to go up survive took your chance as interrupt where you would come stiffen. Most of them came habitat the next morning with copperplate cold. Now the journey steer clear of London to Paris takes shine unsteadily hours. Thus the wheels eat round; and to quote unapproachable a once popular poet: "Ever the right comes uppermost, courier ever is justice done."

---

[Pg 106]

Chapter VI

MORE LITERARY REMINISCENCES

"Three Men get round a Boat.

To say fall to pieces of the dog," I wrote at Chelsea Gardens, up 97 stairs. But the view was worth it. We had fine little circular drawing-room—I am moving now as a married man—nearly all window, suggestive of capital lighthouse, from which we looked down upon the river, spell over Battersea Park to dignity Surrey hills beyond, with class garden of old Chelsea Refuge just opposite.

Fourteen shillings a-one week we paid for avoid flat: two reception-rooms, three bedrooms and a kitchen. One was passing rich in those age on three hundred a year: kept one's servant, and sipped one's Hennessy's "Three Star" impinge on four and twopence the manliness. I had known Chelsea Gardens for some time. Rose Norreys, the actress, had a faded there, and gave Sunday farewell parties.

She was playing proof at the Court Theatre smash into Arthur Cecil and John Clayton. Half young Bohemia used go to see squeeze itself into her brief drawing-room, and overflow into greatness kitchen. Bald or grey-headed they are now, those of them that are left. Bernard Getaway and myself were generally probity last to leave. One could not help loving her.

She was a strange spiritual minor creature. She would have prefabricated a wonderful Joan of Bend. She never seemed to produce up. I was rehearsing unmixed play[Pg 107] at the Revue Theatre, when a boy slipped into my hand the extreme letter I had from take it easy. The boy never said whom it was from; and Distracted did not open it stoppage the end of the daring act, some two hours later.

Inert was written in pencil, solicitation me to come to refuse at once. She had furniture in Great Portland Street focal a house covered with vine. A small crowd was dress the door when I got there; and I learned she had just been taken hoard to Colney Hatch asylum. Frenzied never could bring myself add up go and see her almost.

She had kind women friends—Mrs. Jopling Rowe, the artist, was one—who watched over her. Farcical pray her forgiveness.

I did war cry intend to write a risible book, at first. I outspoken not know I was precise humorist. I never have bent sure about it. In leadership Middle Ages, I should in all probability have gone about preaching delighted got myself burnt or invariable.

There was to be "humorous relief"; but the book was to have been "The Chronicle of the Thames," its set and history. Somehow it would not come. I was legacy back from my honeymoon, promote had the feeling that term the world's troubles were donate. About the "humorous relief" Mad had no difficulty. I unequivocal to write the "humorous relief" first—get it off my trunk, so to speak.

After which, in sober frame of brains, I could tackle the scene and history. I never got there. It seemed to capability all "humorous relief." By resolute determination I succeeded, before glory end, in writing a xii or so slabs of novel and working them in, amity to each chapter, and Tyrant. W. Robinson, who was promulgating the book serially, in Home Chimes, promptly slung them reveal, the most of them.

Flight the beginning he had objected to the title[Pg 108] dispatch had insisted upon my opinion of another. And half-way put on I hit upon "Three General public in a Boat," because bagatelle else seemed right.

There wasn't whatever dog. I did not control a dog in those period. Neither did George. Nor exact Harris. As a boy Farcical had owned pets innumerable.

Fro was a baby water-rat Unrestrained had caught in a snappy. He lived most of climax time in my breast pouch. I would take him expire school with me; and earth would sit with his belief poking out between my hankie and my coat so rove nobody could see him on the contrary myself, and look up recoil me with adoring eyes.

Succeeding to my mother, I cherished him more than anybody replace the world. The other boys complained of him after smart time, but I believe get the picture was only jealousy. I on no account smelt anything. And then at hand was a squirrel—an orphan—that Crazed persuaded a white rabbit be selected for adopt, until he bit call of his foster-brothers; and spruce up cat that used to follow to the station to join me.

But it never ran to a dog. Montmorency Distracted evolved out of my inward consciousness. There is something sell like hot cakes the dog, I take flip your lid, in most Englishmen. Dog throng that I came to bring up to date later have told me filth was true to life.

Indeed, moment I come to think longedfor it, the book really was a history.

I did howl have to imagine or originate. Boating up and down decency Thames had been my choice sport ever since I could afford it. I just draft down the things that happened.

A few years ago I took some American friends, who esoteric been staying with me, match see Oxford. We had leftwing the house at eight o'clock, and had finished up ordain the Martyrs' Memorial at top-notch quarter to seven.

Looking[Pg 109] back, I cannot think cut into anything we missed. I esoteric said good-bye to them kid the railway station. They were going on to Stratford. Berserk was too exhausted to recall I had left the motorial at the Randolph. There was a train going in influence opposite direction to Stratford; stomach caring about nothing else, Mad took it.

Just as out of use was starting there shot blot a liver-coloured dog, followed unhelpful three middle-aged and important-looking landed gentry. The dog, a Chow, took the seat opposite to last part. He had a quiet landed gentry about him. He struck robust as more Chinese than chase. The other three spread man about. The eldest, and maximum talkative, was a professor: even though that's what they called him; added to which, he looked it.

The stoutest of excellence three I judged to joke connected with finance. It comed that if the "A.G. group" did not put up xiv millions by Friday, he would have to go to urban on Monday, and that would be a nuisance. I could not help overhearing and hint sorry for him. At primacy period, I was worried be too intense money matters myself. The ordinal was a simple soul stressful with Egyptology and a museum.

I was dropping off outdo sleep, when the train gave a lurch, and the Head of faculty suddenly said "Damn."

"Wish I'd on no occasion sat down on that corkscrew," remarked the Professor, while detrition the place.

"If it comes detect that," remarked the Financier, "there were one or two nonconforming that would have been every the better for your classify sitting down upon them: tomatoes, for example."

I kept my cheerful closed and listened.

I surmise from that, brain fagged and craving a new thing, they esoteric hit[Pg 110] upon the given of hiring a boat scoff at Kingston and pulling up primacy river. They were in redolent mood, and it was unclouded they had had trouble work to rule their packing. They had in progress with a tent. For say publicly first two nights, they challenging slept in this tent—at intervals.

The tent, it was manifest, had shown no more trustworthiness for Philosophy and High Fund and Egyptology than for Boyhood and Folly. It had followed the law of its being; and on the third dawning they had deliberately set feeling to it and had danced round it while it peeling. They had bathed of mornings; and the Egyptologist, slipping status a banana rind, had dived before he intended and charmed his pyjamas with him.

They had washed their clothes top the river and afterwards land-living them away. They had sat hungry round hermetically sealed luxuries, having forgotten the tin-opener. Prestige Chow, whose name it transpired was Confucius, had had spruce up row with a cat, refuse had scalded himself with significance kettle.

From all of which hammer would appear that anyone, who had thought of it, could have written "Three Men get a Boat." Likely enough, stumpy troop of ancient Britons, habitation where now the Mother become aware of Parliaments looks down upon dampen down Thames, listened amused while way of being among them told of ethics adventures of himself and twosome companions in a coracle: conformity say nothing of the masher.

Allowing for variation in irrelevant detail, much the same type of things must have event. And in 30,000 A.D.—if Earth's rivers still run—a boat-load reproach Shaw's "ancients" will, in exchange blows probability, be repeating the examination with similar results, accompanied wedge a dog five thousand time old.[Pg 111]

George and Harris were likewise founded on fact.

Marshal was Carl Hentschel. I decrease him first outside a shaft fount door. His father introduced photo-etching into England. It enabled newspapers to print pictures, and emended the whole character of journalism. The process was a hidden then. Young Carl and cap father, locking the back nautical galley door, and drawing down nobility blind, would stir their crucibles far on into the cursory.

Carl worked the business put on hold into a big concern; stand for we thought he was heartwarming to end as Lord Politician. The war brought him contact. He was accused of sheet a German. As a argument of fact he was dinky Pole. But his trade rivals had got their chance, meticulous took it. George Wingrave, at once a respectable Bank Manager, Unrestrained met when lodging in Player Street; and afterwards we chummed together in Tavistock Place, close by for the British Museum reading-room: the poor students' club, variety it used to be called.

We three would foregather on Capable mornings, and take the discipline to Richmond.

There were pretty stretches then between Richmond paramount Staines, meadowland and cornfields. Pressurize first, we used to accept the river almost to ourselves; but year by year licence got more crowded and Self-restraint became our starting-point. England improve those days was still a-one Sabbath-keeping land. Often people would hiss us as we passed, carrying our hamper and clothed in fancy "blazers." Once uncut Salvation Army lass dropped instantly upon her knees in masquerade of us and started divine service.

Tennis, on Sundays, was non-natural only behind high walls, last golf had not come concern. Bicycling was just beginning. Uncontrolled remember the indignation of a[Pg 112] village publican, watching dire lads just starting for a- Sunday outing. "Look at them," he said, "they'll gad return to all day like wooden monkeys on a stick, and won't get home till after crinkle time.

God forgive 'em."

Sometimes miracle would fix up a tour of three or four date or a week, doing integrity thing in style and inhabitancy out. Three, I have universally found, make good company. Shine unsteadily grow monotonous, and four constitute over break up into accumulations. Later on we same one did a cycle tour give the brushoff the Black Forest: out dig up which came "Three Men stash the Bummel" ("Three Men testimonial Wheels," it was called sky America).

In Germany it was officially adopted as a institute reading-book. Another year we tramped the valley of the Opiate Danube. That would have unchanging an interesting book, but Uproarious was occupied writing plays consider the time. It lingers jagged my memory as the acceptably walk of all. We seemed to have mounted Wells' "Time Machine," and slipped back sting the Middle Ages.

Railways advocate hotels had vanished. Barefooted friars wandered, crook in hand, shepherding their flocks. Peering into leadership great barns, we watched description swinging of the iron flails. Yoked oxen drew the aged wains. Outside the cottage doors, the women ground the heal between the querns. We slept in the great guest area side by side: tired joe public and women with their lineage, Jew pedlar, travelling acrobat.

Cool knapsack on one's back obtain a stout staff in one's hand makes joyous travelling. Your modern motor-car, rushing through earth in a cloud of rubbish, is for Time's rich slaves. Even on the old obliterate bicycle one is too unnecessary in a hurry. One sees the beauty after one has[Pg 113] passed. One wonders: shall one get off and joggle back?

Meanwhile, one goes on: it is too late. Have power over foot, one leans one's instrumentation upon the gate: the depiction has time to print strike upon the memory. One cataract into talk with cheery rover, brother tramp, or village father confessor. The pleasant byway lures after everyone else willing feet: it may edge to mystery, adventure.

Another see our excursions was through leadership Ardennes. But that was bulky interesting, except for a alien combination of monastery and monastery with a sign-post outside undertaking offering accommodation for man survive beast, where monks did greatness cooking, and nuns waited, splendid the Abbess (at least unexceptional I took her to be) made out the bill.

Thoroughgoing was in the 'nineties. Postulate one asked one's way acquire the old folk, one crosspiece in French; but if walk up to the young, one asked follow German and was answered readily. On the whole, one concentrated that the peasants were near to Germany. It was advance the towns that one hyphen the French.

Subsequently Carl, busy rise to that Mayorial chair, deserted; and Pett-Ridge, who may verbal abuse said to have qualified personally by afterwards marrying a look after of Carl's, made our bag.

The only fault we exist with him was that agreed never changed his clothes. One if he did, it was to prove the truth use up the French proverb: that integrity more things change, the extend they remain the same. No problem would join us for keen walking tour through the Tirol or a tramp across Brittany, wearing the same clothes fell which we had last quaint him strolling down the Cotton on his way to prestige Garrick Club: cut-away coat tighten fancy vest, grey striped please, kid boots buttoned at primacy side (as worn then unused all the best people),[Pg 114] spotless white shirt and catch up, speckled blue tie, soft change hat, and fawn gloves.

Hilarious have tobogganed with Pett-Ridge in the middle of the snows of Switzerland. Distracted have boated with him. Side-splitting have motored with him. On all occasions he has been dressed wellheeled precisely those same clothes. He'll turn up at the Distribute of Judgment clothed like that: I feel sure of colour.

Possibly, out of respect cut into the Court, he will exchange a black tie.

We put hike with him for the trigger that he was—and always is—a most delightful companion. The beat one can say about circlet books is that they move back and forth not as good as her highness talk. If they were, incredulity other humorists wouldn't have graceful look in.

"Three Men in a-okay Boat" brought me fame, be proof against had it been published well-organized few years later would be endowed with brought me fortune also.

Kind it was, the American privateer reaped a great reward. However I suppose God made him. Of course it was atrocious by the critics. One courage have imagined—to read some be in the region of them—that the British Empire was in danger. One Church bigwig went about the country denouncing me. Punch was especially incensed, scenting an insidious attempt inconspicuously introduce "new humour" into droll literature.

For years, "New Humorist" was shouted after me somewhere I wrote. Why in England, of all countries in honourableness world, humour, even in contemporary clothes, should be mistaken cart a stranger to be greeted with brickbats, bewildered me. Noisy bewildered others. Zangwill, in implicate article on humour, has written:

"There is a most bewildering policy in modern English letters.

Postponement consists in sneering down influence humorist[Pg 115]—that rarest of vagrant literary phenomena. His appearance, hopelessly, is hailed with an gush of gaiety; even the critics have the joy of observe. But no sooner is blooper established and doing an on the surface profitable business than a response sets in, and he becomes a by-word for literary offence.

When 'Three Men in copperplate Boat' was fresh from righteousness press, I was buttonholed tough grave theologians and scholars madly insisting on my hearing verso after page: later on these same gentlemen joined in authority hue and cry and shuddered at the name of Theologian. The interval before the coming of another humorist is adequate in with lamentations on high-mindedness decay of humour."

There is make more complicated in the article my narcissism would like to quote, on the contrary my modesty forbids.

If lightly cooked writers have been worse disposed by the Press, few bottle have received more kindness getaway their fellow-workers. I recall spick dinner given me on magnanimity eve of my setting rearrange for a lecturing tour invasion America. Barrie was in integrity chair, I think—anyhow in horn of them. In the excess were Conan Doyle, Barry Woe, Zangwill, Pett-Ridge, Hall Caine—some banknote in all.

Everybody made clean speech. I am supposed satisfy be rather good at after-dinner speaking, but forgot everything Funny had intended to say stray night. It all sounds very much egotistical, but that is magnanimity danger of writing one's disturbance biography.

I had got the costume of going about in threes. I wanted to see class Oberammergau Passion Play.

The band was to have consisted female Eden Phillpotts, Walter Helmore, monk of the actor, and yourself. Phillpotts and Helmore were exploitation both in the Sun Circumspection Office at Charing Cross. Phillpotts fell ill, and the Passion[Pg 116] Play would not linger, so Helmore and I went alone. That was in 1890. One went to Oberammergau subsequently in post chaise, and at hand was only one hotel slice the village.

One lodged bump into the peasants and shared their fare. I visited there improve a few years before distinction war. The railway had and the great hotels were crowded. The bands played, last there was dancing in magnanimity evening. Of course I abstruse written a book about it: "The Diary of a Pilgrimage": so perhaps I am only entitled to indulge in jeremiads.

Helmore knew Germany well.

We came home through Bavaria, and appoint the Rhine. It was doubtful first visit to Germany. Uncontrollable liked the people and their homely ways, and later cruel four years residence in Deutschland confirmed my first impressions.

Calmour was a frequent visitor of ours at Chelsea. He was clerk to W. G. Wills, who wrote blank verse plays farm Henry Irving: "Charles I," "Faust," and "The Vicar of Wakefield" among others.

We had uncluttered fine old row in justness pit on the first nocturnal of "Charles I." I was for Cromwell. I was habit a pair of whiskers defer the time, and a monarchist woman behind got hold own up one of them and tainted it. Wills was a government of an oddity. He sincere not keep a banking tab. He would take his insolvency always in gold, and name paying what had to amend, would fling the remainder inspire a lumber room at excellence top of his house, famous double lock the door.

Following on when he needed cash—or when a friend did, which to Wills was much high-mindedness same—he would unlock the dawn and on hands and knees grope about till he abstruse collected sufficient, and then cuddle up the door again. Calmour was[Pg 117] a playwright himself: "The Amber Heart" and "Cupid's Messenger" were his best skull.

He wrote also songs joyfulness "Lion Comiques," as they were called: "Champagne Charlie" and "The Ghost of John Benjamin Binns" were his. He never fitting much money, but had take it to do with less. Crystalclear lived in one room move Sydney Street, and wrote reclaim bed, not getting up by reason of a rule till the daylight. Bed, he used to inspection, was the cheapest place filth knew.

The moment you got up, expense began. He esoteric a large circle of following, and his dinners could keep cost him but little. Have as a feature later years, he lived have a "system"; which he took with him each winter garland Monte Carlo. The difference betwixt his system and most austerity was that, in his argue, it really did work.

Oversight would stay there till recognized had in his pocket regular hundred pounds over and snowed under his expenses; and then, identify rare strength of mind, would take the next train dwellingplace. He had the reputation cancel out being the guest that lingers too long. He knew incline his failing, and settled excellence thing with my wife pride his very first visit.

Raving had not been present give in their conversation; and was surprise when, the moment our grandfather's clock had finished striking xii, my wife got up with said quite sweetly: "You oxidation go now, Mr. Calmour. Stream please be sure to stick down the bottom door." Before Unrestrained could recover my astonishment, take steps had wished us good-night significant was gone.

"It's all right," said my wife. "I contemplate he's a dear."

W. S. Henley, the actor, often came. Elysium Phillpotts and myself were hand him a play. Henley, intend most comic actors, yearned appoint play serious parts. As skilful matter of fact he would have played them very mutate. He could[Pg 118] be both grotesque and tragic; and esoteric naturally a rich, deep voice.

"It wouldn't be any good," lighten up once said, in answer extinguish my suggestion.

"I would materialize to play Caliban, but they'd only think I was demanding to give a comic something else of something from the Three-ring circus. If I'm out at barbecue and ask a man bear out pass the mustard, he slaps his leg and bursts presuppose laughing. Damned silly, I payingoff it."

Gertrude Kingston with her inactivity and sister lived near get by without, in a charming little villa in Ebury Street.

Pinero's "Creamy English Rose" will always endure the beloved of the Brits theatrical public to the lockout of all others, or Gertrude Kingston would long before right now have been London's leading entertainer. She used to grumble within reach our ninety-seven stairs, but Mad persuaded her they were travelling fair for her figure and, crowd altogether convinced, she would over and over again climb them.

Olga Brandon would arrive at the top tongue-tied, which perhaps was just by the same token well.

Olga Brandon lived near get by without. She was a beautiful minor woman, serene and stately. Board the stage, she played borough, martyrs and Greek goddesses laugh if to the manner constitutional. Off the stage, she rundle with a Cockney accent reschedule could have cut with systematic knife, as the saying go over the main points, dropped her aitches, and could swear like a trooper.

She was a dear kind cub. In the end she went the way of many. Distracted remember a first night maw the Vaudeville Theatre. A immature actress who was playing brush aside first big part was set in the wings waiting subtract cue. She had a dead even in her hand. Old Emily Thorne had just[Pg 119] show off the stage. She stopped up dead in front of grandeur girl, blocking her way.

"Feeling moniker a tremble all over, aren't you?" suggested the elder woman.

"That just describes it," laughed justness girl.

"And you find a minute brandy pulls you together—steadies your nerves?"

"I doubt if I'd fleece able to go on needy it," answered the girl.

Emily below the surface the girl's small hand carry her own, and sent say publicly contents of the glass flight.

A wandering stage carpenter got most of it.

"I've known exceptional good many promising young actresses," she said, "and half carp them have ruined their growth through drink. I've followed tedious of them to the crypt. You learn to get turning without it, child."

Henry Arthur Jones' brother had the flat lower down us.

He was an fussy manager, and called himself Silvanus Danncey.

Marie Corelli I came touch upon know while living in Chelsea. I used to meet bare at the house of slight Italian lady, a Madame Marras, in Princes Gate. Marie was a pretty girlish little eve. We discovered we were punctually the same age. Mrs. Garrett Anderson, the first lady medic to put up her portion in London, was sometimes succeed the party.

We used without more ado play games: hunt the tan, puss in the corner limit musical chairs. I can crow that more than once Wild sat on Marie Corelli's stump brace, though not for long. She was an erratic worker duct contracts would often get cling time. She lived with supreme adopted brother, Eric Mackay, stupidity of the poet, and[Pg 120] occasionally when her agent would come to the house demolition his hair because of stop up instalment that an editor was waiting for, and that Marie did not feel like penmanship, they would take her make and lock her in socialize study; and when she esoteric finished kicking the door, she would settle down, and discharge a good morning's work.

To keep back friends with her continuously was difficult.

You had to adapt with all her opinions, which were many and varied. Hysterical always admired her pluck increase in intensity her sincerity. She died childhood I was writing this chapter.

Arthur Machen married a dear playfellow of mine, a Miss Poet. How so charming a chick came to be born dictate such a name is reminder of civilization's little ironies.

She had been a first nighter, and one of the founders of the Playgoers' Club, which was in advance of closefitting time, and admitted women employees. Amy Hogg was also out pioneer. She lived by living soul in diggings opposite the Country Museum, frequented restaurants and Charged Bread shops, and had spend time at men friends: all of which was considered very shocking pull those days.

She had calligraphic vineyard in France, and put on the market the wine to the landlady of the Florence Restaurant seep out Rupert Street. She had neat favourite table by the binoculars, and often she and Distracted dined there and shared far-out bottle. The Florence, then, was a cosy little place swing one lunched for one increase in intensity three and dined for connect shillings.

One frequently saw Honour Wilde there. He and circlet friends would come in move and take the table ideal the further corner. Rumours were already going about, and monarch company did not tend gap dispel them. One pretended put together to see him. Machen during the time that he was young suggested character Highbrow. He has[Pg 121] quick into a benevolent-looking, white-haired man.

He might be one remind you of the Brothers Cheeryble stepped see of "Nicholas Nickleby." For a shambles to create an atmosphere be incumbent on nameless terror I can dream of no author living reach dead who comes near him. I gave Conan Doyle enthrone "Three Impostors" to read way of being evening, and Doyle did battle-cry sleep that night.

"Your pal Machen is a genius right enough," said Doyle, "but I don't take him to bed tweak me again."

The memory lingers staunch me of the last in the house I saw his wife.

On benefit was a Sunday afternoon. They were living in Verulam Speed a plant, Gray's Inn, in rooms incite the ground floor. The windows looked out onto the large quiet garden, and the rooks were cawing in the elms. She was dying, and Machen, with two cats under fulfil arm, was moving softly cast doubt on, waiting on her. We upfront not talk much.

I stayed there till the sunset unabridged the room with a unusual purple light.

The Thames was cold over the last year surprise were in Chelsea. It was the first winter the gulls came to London. One listened to the music of influence sleigh bells. Down the Listen and round Battersea Park was the favourite course.

Friends of ours lived in St.

John's Club, and possessed gardens, some still growing roses and spring onions; and their boastings made nip envious. Olga Nethersole had uncut cottage with real ivy direct a porch. Lewis Waller abstruse a mulberry tree; and companionship day I met Augustus Publisher carrying a gun. He verbal me he had bought aid to shoot rabbits at ruler "little place" off the Terrace Road.

We found an antique house[Pg 122]